Posts Tagged ‘international adoption’

Missouri and Moguate Summer 2011

Friday, August 19th, 2011

My mother reared five children and I still don’t know how she did it. Around this time of year, she likes to remind me of her favorite cartoon from that era: The final frame depicted a mom throwing flowers at a departing school bus as it carried her children to their first day of school. I laugh every time she tells me.

Which is just another way of apologizing, yet again, for being delinquent in posting. Summer! It’s nonstop! And we’ve been all over the place. Believe me, I have loved every minute of school vacation–the kids are the perfect age for traveling, filled with wonder and enthusiasm, up for anything and everything–but our activities haven’t left much time for blogging.

Here are a few photos. The one above, taken by adoptive dad Mark Acker, is of the group from Moguate, a gathering of families with children from Guatemala. The name derives from Missouri, where the organization is based, and Guatemala, of course. Founded by the hilarious and charismatic Cindy Swatek, Moguate is held at the Tan-Tar-A Resort on the Lake of the Ozarks the first weekend in August. If you live anywhere nearby, I suggest you go. The weekend’s main activities are ripping down the waterslide, cooling off in the giant swimming pool, and eating pizza. But in the meantime, we adoptive parents share life stories, and in their own way, our kids do, too. In a summer of wonderful activities, Moguate stands out as a highlight.

While you’re in the Lake of the Ozarks, check out the kid-friendly activities in the area.  One of our favorites was the Meramec Caves in Stanton, Missouri. The hour-plus walking tour ended with a recording made by the late great chanteuse, Kate Smith, belting out “God Bless America.” We didn’t try the zipline, but we did sample the dark-chocolate homemade fudge. Outstanding.

I insisted we drive to Branson, and because our kids are fascinated by books about the Titanic, we visited the Titanic Museum. The exhibition included vintage photos, letters, and objects, as well as a re-creation of the ship itself. I don’t know who enjoyed the experience more–the kids or my husband and me. For those few hours, the Titanic’s ill-fated voyage felt very real.

Driving back to the airport in St. Louis, we stopped at the Missouri State Capitol in Jefferson City, to view the newly restored and spectacular murals by Missouri-born artist Thomas Hart Benton (above). The excellent guide at the Capitol tipped us off to a locally famous ice cream parlor, the Central Dairy. In honor of my southern-born mother, I ordered a double scoop of her favorite flavor, black walnut.

That one cone alone made the trip worthwhile.

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Both Ends Burning Campaign to stage march on Washington DC

Saturday, August 13th, 2011

Two weeks ago, our family attended MOGUATE, a gathering of adoptive families in Missouri and neighboring states. While there, I met an American mother, Y, with a daughter, Z, from Guatemala. When Y accepted the referral of Z, her daughter was a baby only a few months-old. Today, Z is a four-year-old girl.

Z has been home with Y and her husband and son for seven weeks. The case dragged on for four long years.

Y is a member of the Guatemala900, the families who have been trying to finalize the adoption of their children since the shutdown of adoptions from Guatemala in December 2007.  Y told me that the turning point in their adoption process occurred after she participated in a march on Washington, DC. After that, someone, somewhere, in a position of authority, reviewed Y’s case, recognized the paperwork was legal and in order—simply, for no real reason, stalled–and moved it forward. This being a case in international adoption, complications naturally ensued. But at least an end was in sight, and, finally, came.

Every day that a child is in institutional care is a day that child pays for later down the road.  I’m sorry, but from my observations, conversations, and experience, it’s that simple.

On Friday, August 26, from 2 to 5 p.m., the Both Ends Burning Campaign will stage a march on Washington, DC, Step Forward for Orphans. The event will take place on the National Mall-Childrens Carousel near 9th and Jefferson, Washington, DC.

If you are in the area, or can get there, please add your voice to the plea of parents everywhere who are waiting for their children.

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International adoption article in Slate

Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

I was shocked to discover reference to my “excellent” book in What Stolen Children Mean for Adoption by KJ Dell Antonia in the August 5, 2011 edition of Slate. From the third paragraph:

Every single adoption is its own story, with its own tragedies and triumphs, and every adoption has to be handled individually. That’s not a view that’s going to make adoption any cheaper, or faster, or easier. But better to move closer to a system of one adoption at a time, as Ethiopia is doing, than risk either more corruption or an end to international adoption. Because for every story like that of Yang Ling, stolen in China at 9 months old, there are untold happy endings…  There’s Jessica O’Dwyer, whose excellent book, Mamalita, chronicles her experiences within the corrupt Guatemalan system as an adoptive parent. She moved to Guatemala for months to care for the child she planned to adopt and worked her way out from under a corrupt lawyer and facilitator to eventually locate her daughter’s birth mother herself and hear her story before the adoption was finalized.

I’m thrilled by the mention, because Dell Antonia’s article is one of the few I’ve ever read that discusses adoption’s real and challenging complexities. The final paragraph says it all:

Every single adopted child has a different and complicated story of heartbreak and joy and tears and sorrow. Every single one has a birthmother with another story, and an adoptive family with another story. When it comes to adoption, particularly international adoption, many people (like a number of the commenters on this morning’s New York Times piece), want to reduce those stories into generalizations and policies, when we should be trying to do just the opposite, and make sure that all of those stories have a place to be told. When we try instead to create rules that cover everyone, we tend to put in place systems that are even more easily corruptible than individuals. The easy answer to the “question” of ethical international adoption? It’s always got to be hard.

Amen, KJ Dell Antonia.

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Back from Guatemala

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

On the plane ride home from Guatemala, Mateo and I sat next to an American business school professor who has consulted on growing businesses in Guatemala for the past 30 years. It didn’t take long for “Professor M” to figure out that I was what he called a “do-gooder”—that is, someone who believes that my small efforts to help a country I love might actually yield a result. Then when Professor M learned I lived in San Francisco! Well, that sealed the deal. M could categorize me as a person with my head in the clouds, you know the type.

Nevertheless, over 30 years, Professor M has, like me, developed a great love for Guatemala. His affection was clear as he spoke about the good work by many in the Guatemalan business community—their efforts to create jobs and income streams, their support of young people in the middle class to become educated and move up the career ladder. At the same time, the professor voiced deep frustration. According to him, the political system is so corrupt that it discourages talented, honest people from getting involved. Violence runs rampant. Drug traffickers have destroyed communities. “They’re recruiting kids as young as your boy,” M said, pointing to six-year-old Mateo. We both shook our heads.

By the time we touched down in Houston, the professor and I realized we held opinions more alike than different. Guatemala had captivated each of us. In our own ways, we do what we can.

That’s why I’ve posted the photo above, taken during my most recent trip. The picture shows a woman named “Dona G,” standing in front of a house built by Common Hope, an organization headquartered in St. Paul, Minnesota, and based in Antigua, Guatemala. Contributions to Common Hope funded the house. Dona G earned it by putting in the required hours of sweat equity. Finally, Dona G and her family are living between walls that won’t collapse. During the torrential downpours of the rainy season, her new cement floor won’t turn to mud.

No one person can change the world. But in ways large and small, we can try to make our particular corner of it better.

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Why I wrote Mamalita

Monday, July 11th, 2011

During public readings from Mamalita, I’ve met many people who harbor strong opinions on the subject of adoption, pro and con. Now, before I read from the book, I talk about why I was compelled to write it. I’d like to share those thoughts here.

Eight years ago, I was living in Antigua, Guatemala with my then-fifteen-month old daughter, Olivia, whom my husband and I were trying to adopt. We had been enmeshed in the process for more than a year, ever since I first saw a photo of Olivia on an adoption website and had fallen in love.

I wasn’t the only American would-be mother living in Guatemala who was trying to sort out a stalled adoption. We were a group of eight, with nothing in common except our overwhelming desire to become mothers and the belief that our bureaucratic nightmares should not be allowed to happen to anyone else. That year, more than 3,000 Americans adopted children from Guatemala. Each one of those families had a story, no two the same.

Soon after I returned home with Olivia in January 2004, international adoption became headline news, none of it good. The private adoption system in Guatemala was singled out as particularly corrupt. Front-page stories described payments made to birth mothers, coercion of women to become pregnant, and the trawling of countrysides by “finders” to trick young girls into relinquishing their newborns. Adoptive parents like me were depicted as privileged Americans who swooped in to snatch kidnapped infants. Even UNICEF pronounced that it was better for a child to remain in his country of origin than it was to be adopted by foreign parents. The news got so bad it was impossible not to feel under attack.

But that was only a part of the story. The story I experienced was that of adoptive parents who felt great love for their children, pushing back against a system that seemed designed to manipulate emotions at every turn.

When I lived in Antigua, the others mothers used to say, “Somebody needs to write a book about this.” My entire life I’d been searching for the one story I had to tell. Even as I was living the experience, I knew Olivia’s adoption saga was it.

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From Ireland to NYC, Jools Gilson’s “Los Preciosos” wins award

Friday, July 8th, 2011

Back in March of this year, I posted a link to a radio documentary titled Los Preciosos, written and produced for Irish radio by adoptive mother Jools Gilson, who lives with her husband and two Guatemalan-born children in County Cork.

On June 20, Los Preciosos won a Gold Award for Best Narration at the New York Festivals World’s Best Radio Gala. That’s Jools in the photos above, accepting the trophy.

An award for every adoption-related story is a victory for all of us. Congratulations, Jools!

Here’s the original post. In case you didn’t have a chance to listen before, please do so now. You’ll see why the piece earned Gold.

From County Cork in Ireland, adoptive mother Jools Gilson sent me the link to a radio broadcast she made for RTÉ Radio 1, Ireland – Documentary on One – the home of Irish radio documentaries. Los Preciosos tells the story of Gilson’s family: an English mother, an Italian father, and two Guatemalan children, all living in rural East Cork. Here’s the description:

“Los Preciosos means ‘the precious ones,’ and this documentary follows the story of years of assessment by domestic social workers, monumental bureaucracy in Ireland, England and Guatemala, and eventually traveling to bring the child home. And then there is another child…”

What I love about this broadcast is the warmth, perception, and honesty of the voices–Jools’s and her husband Vittorio’s–and the laughter of their children. In all the debate and controversy about international adoption, what often gets lost is that adoption is about family, and love, and a place to call home. Listening to this broadcast reminded me of how adoption transforms lives. We cherish our children, whether we live in County Cork or California.

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Hera and the one who teaches grammar

Thursday, June 16th, 2011

 

We’re winding down the last week of school, and today, Olivia’s class presented a series of plays based on Greek myths. Above, Olivia is dressed as her role of queen of the gods, Hera. For the performance finale, each child presented her or his parent or caregiver with a yellow rose and a handwritten note. Below, with best-guess spelling intact, I’ve reprinted the text of Olivia’s note to me. I love how clear her voice sounds in this letter. I call my daughter an artist, but I may have to switch that to writer.

Dear Mom:

Thank you for all the things you have done for me and my classmates to make this year fun. Mom, you helped with writers work shop witch is so helpfull because my class learned from you correct puncuation.

I will love you forever and always.

Love, Olivia

OXOXO

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Sunday Mamalita reading in Santa Rosa

Saturday, June 4th, 2011

Please join me on Sunday at 1 p.m. to discuss my book, Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir, at Copperfield’s Books Montgomery Village in Santa Rosa, California. At least one of my fellow “Antigua moms” will be there. If past readings are any indication, the conversation should be lively and memorable.

Sunday, June 5, 2011 at 1 p.m.
Copperfield’s Books Montgomery Village
2316 Montgomery Drive
Santa Rosa 95404
707-578-8938

And while I have your attention… In case you  haven’t yet watched my book trailer on YouTube, please do. Kevin Burget of Wide Iris did a phenomenal job of  communicating the story. Here’s the link to Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir by Jessica O’Dwyer. (Feel free to watch often and forward to everyone you know~)

Now, onward to one of the action-packed days of the year: Olivia’s ballet class, dress rehearsal, and end-of-year dance recital.

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“Finding Aster” by Dina McQueen

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

Connecting with other adoptive parents ranks as my favorite outcome from writing Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir. Instantly, we launch into our stories, using a shorthand we each understand.

So it happened last January, when I read from Mamalita at Collected Works Bookstore in Santa Fe, New Mexico. In the audience sat Dina McQueen, adoptive mom to a daughter named Aster, born in Ethiopia. As we chatted I learned Dina also had authored a book about her journey to motherhood. Finding Aster: an Ethiopian adoption story was published in February by Inkwater Press.  Naturally, I bought a copy, and quickly read the compelling tale. True, I knew the book’s ending, but still, I found it hard to put down.

Since then, Dina and I have discovered we share a deep commitment to adoption, and to writing and thinking about adoption. In addition, we both love reading to our children.  In a recent blog post, Dina compiled a list of her favorite Children’s Books for Multi-Ethnic Families; from it, I gleaned a few new titles I didn’t know about, which I plan to add to our family library.  Check out Dina’s list and Dina’s book, too. You’ll enjoy both.

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Hope at last for the Kyrgyz 65

Monday, May 9th, 2011

Back in February of this year, I posted a blog about Frank and Gabrielle Shimkus, who along with other families known as the Kyrgyz 65, were waiting for their adoption from Kyrgyzstan to be finalized. Their plight sounded sadly similar to that of families waiting for children in Guatemala, the group known as the Guatemala900. Gabrielle explained:

We received our referral in Aug. 2008. A little boy, 2 months old, with a cleft lip and palate. He was as frail as could be. We had all of our paperwork here in the US approved and our dossier in Kyrgyzstan. We went for our first visit in November 2008, and spent 2 full weeks with him, loving him.

It was only supposed to be one more month before we returned to go to Kyrgyz court and take him home with us for good, but that didn’t happen. One day the Kyrgyz government heard rumblings of people forging paperwork. It turns out to be vaguely true, but of another country, not ours. That day they decided their adoption laws were too easy and in one fell swoop got rid of every law on the books. They did not consider that there were 65 families in the immediate pipeline to adopt—families, like ours, who were weeks away from that one court hearing that would have allowed us to take our kids home. Their government refused to allow our adoptions to go forward because they no longer had the laws to finish them.

Still they dangled the carrot in front of us. “Just give us a few months. 6 months we promise. You will have your kids by Christmas.” They then placed a moratorium on international adoptions.

After months of hanging by a thread, the country elected a new president, who was the first female Asian president. She heard our pleas, told us to be patient. Months more went by.  A new Parliament was elected and we were promised our legislation would be one of the first to go through. It didn’t happen. The US State Department has been involved all along, but provide us with no concrete answers.

We are now 2 1/2 years since this tragedy began. The 65 families have a forum where we keep in daily contact with each other. We have contacted every Senator, Congressman, and person of influence we can think of. Some of the families have dropped off. 2 of the children have died waiting. Yes, 2 children are dead because they succumbed to illnesses treatable here in the US. It is horrible, beyond words.

The crazy thing is that all along they have said we can have our kids. Very few people are against this. They just don’t have the know-how to finish our process. Crazy to still hold on to hope when everytime it gets ripped out from under us. Still, no one will tell us “NO YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR KID.” Maybe if they did things would be different. Maybe some of the parents could heal and move on. But the carrot is still out there dangling. We get pictures every few months, and that is the closest we come.

I’m thrilled to report that Radio Free Europe has posted an article titled Kyrgyzstan Lifts Ban on International Adoption. The family profiled is none other than the Shimkuses. As my children would say, Yippee!!

Read the Radio Free Europe article here, and another regarding the official announcement by the Kyrgyzstan government here.

And please keep sending positive thoughts for the Guatemala900.

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