Posts Tagged ‘adoptive families’

Guatemala Part 5: Niños con Bendicíon

Friday, February 25th, 2011

On Wednesday after Spanish school, Patrice, Olivia, and I attended a folk dance performance by Niños con Bendicíon in nearby San Antonio Aguas Calientes. The dance troupe was founded and is led by Lesbi Chavez.

The children, ages 6 to 13 years old, dress in traditional outfits or traje from various parts of Guatemala. Each of the four dances they performed on Wednesday told a story from their Maya K’iche culture: Blessing of the Corn, Planting, The Corn God, and Dance of the K’iche King. The children accompanied themselves on traditional instruments, including marimba, drum, and flute.

Afterward, Lesbi demonstrated how to make tortillas, and we all got to try. As an absolute novice, I can tell you, it’s harder than it looks. Lesbi was very pleased to notice that Olivia, whose roots are Maya K’iche, was a natural at getting just the right ratio of water to pulverized corn paste. Above is a photo of our finished products, cooking on a traditional stove. Three guesses which tortillas were ours and which made by Lesbi.

The funds generated by the dance performances pay the school and living expenses of the children who participate in Niños con Bendicíon. For presentations, sponsorship, or more information, you may contact Lesbi Chavez (in Spanish) at Childrenwithblessing@gmail.com or Nancy Hoffman (in English) of Guatemala Reservations at Nancy@GuatemalaReservations.com. Learn more at http://www.supportlosninos.net/

Olivia, Patrice, and I, and the other members of our group, really enjoyed the afternoon we spent with Lesbi and the dancers. The next time you’re in Antigua, consider adding this outing to your itinerary.

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Guatemala Part 4: Antigua this morning

Thursday, February 24th, 2011

I’ve never visited Antigua during April, when the entire city celebrates Holy Week with sawdust carpets and parades through the streets. So I can’t say what that’s like. What I can say is that February is my favorite time to visit. The weather is warm and there are very few other tourists.

This morning, after I walked Olivia and Patrice to Spanish school, I took a few photos. Above, is my favorite view of the Square, taken from the second floor of the Municipalidad. The Cathedral is on the left, and Volcano Agua in the background. Antigua was just waking up; here, you can see why the city always looks so pretty. Every morning, men sweep the park. This month, they are also repairing the cobblestone streets.

As usual, a group of intrepid adventurers was queued up outside  Old Town Outfitters to climb Volcano Pacaya or go on a mountain bike ride. In the evening, backpackers often hang out in front of Cine Lounge La Sin Ventura. The theater is next door to Mono Loco, another popular night spot. The restaurant is famous for its gigantic plate of nachos, enormous bowls of chili, and outstanding French fries.

For Americans with children who will only eat at Mickey D’s, the one in Antigua has a lovely garden where your kids can run around and play. If your child, like mine, is a particular (read: finicky) eater, pizza restaurants such as El Macarone are a good alternative to black beans and rice.

Antigua boasts one of the largest “fancy” coffee shops in all of Guatemala. Located on the north side of the Square, Cafe Barista serves a range of lattes and cappuccinos extensive enough to keep any java nut happy. Olivia loves their vanilla cake. Cafe Barista’s prices are high, but (just between us), there are very few bargains to be had in Antigua. Think of it as a “charming experience tax.”

Time for me to get outside and enjoy this day! xoxo

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Guatemala Part 3: Family

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

Anyone who has read my book, Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir, or anything else I’ve written, knows that I am an advocate for open adoption whenever possible. I believe that inside every person, at a very basic and profound level, is a need to know who they are and where they come from. And by that, I mean who they are biologically, who they are in their DNA. A person needs to know who shares her blood.

That need, in my opinion, in no way undermines my role as an adoptive mother. Rather, it acknowledges a life–and a biology–that existed before me.

That’s one reason why I am here with Olivia in Guatemala, so she can visit with her birth family. Are our visits straightforward and uncomplicated? Honestly, they aren’t, for any of us. Not only do we grapple with the complexity of adoption, but we also face the challenges of two vastly different cultures and lifestyles. Speaking elementary Spanish and no K’iche is the least of it.

Despite the challenges, though, these visits with family are the most important days of our year. I believe I can speak for everyone involved when I say we feel healing, and unity, and love. When we started Olivia’s adoption in 2002, never did I dream that nine years later, we would walk down the calle of Panajachel with her birth brother and sister, or drink Coca-Cola in the mercado and shop for hair barrettes and blue jeans. Nor did I imagine kneeling beside her birth mother and Abuela in church, offering prayers in each of our languages. But that’s the reality of our family. That is who we are, now and forever.

For anyone who has been to Guatemala, or hopes to visit, below are a few scenes from Panajachel. My enormous fruit cup at Hotel Kakchiquel, the  vendors, the bus to Solola, the church steps. This is a beautiful country. We feel lucky to be here.

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Guatemala Part 2: Tecun Uman and the legacy of the quetzal

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

By fortunate accident, we were in Panajachel on Monday, February 20, the festival day of Tecun Uman, a national hero in Guatemala. The honor seems bittersweet: K’iche leader Tecun Uman was slain in battle by Spanish conquistador Don Pedro de Alvarado, who had allied himself with the native Kaqchikel, enemies of the K’iche people. Tecun Uman’s death signified the end of autonomous rule by indigenous peoples in Guatemala. Here’s a snip from the New World Encyclopedia.

Tecún Umán (Tecún Umaán, Tecúm Umán, Tecúm Umam, or Tekun Umam) (c. 1500 – December 20, 1524) was the last ruler and king of the K’iche-Maya people, in the highlands of what is now Guatemala. According to the Kaqchikel annals, he was slain by Spanish Conquistador Don Pedro de Alvarado while waging battle against the Spaniards in the grasslands of El Pinal (Valley of Olintepeque) on February 20 1524. Tecún Umán is considered the most representative of his people for his bravery and dignity because he fought to protect his land and his people.

In the middle of November of 1523, the Estremaduran captain Don Pedro de Alvarado y Contreras had been sent on an important mission by Hernán Cortés to discover and conquer the lands south of Mexico. For this journey, Alvarado was given three hundred soldiers, a hundred and twenty archers and gunmen, one hundred and thirty five horsemen, and several hundred Cholutec and Tlaxcaltec allies… Alvarado allied himself with the Kaqchikel, who had long been bitter rivals of the K’iche’ nation.

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The legends say Tecún Umán entered battle adorned with precious quetzal feathers, and his nagual (animal spirit guide), also a quetzal bird, accompanied him during the battle. In the midst of the fray, both Alvarado and Tecún, warriors from worlds apart, met face to face, each with weapon in hand. Alvarado was clad in armor and mounted on his warhorse. As horses were not native to the Americas and peoples of Mesoamerica had no beasts of burden of their own, Tecún Umán assumed they were one being and killed Alvarado’s horse… He quickly realized his error and turned for a second attack but Alvarado’s spear pierced through his opponent’s chest and into his heart. It was then his nagual, filled with grief, landed on the fallen hero’s chest, staining its breast feathers red with blood, and thereafter died. From that day on, all male quetzals bear a scarlet breast and their song has not been heard since. Further, if one is to be placed in captivity, it would die, making the quetzal a symbol of liberty.

Tecún Umán was declared a National Hero of Guatemalan on March 22, 1960 and is celebrated annually on February 20…  He is also memorialized in a poem by Miguel Ángel Asturias that bears his name. In contrast to his popularity, he is at times rejected by Maya cultural activists who consider his status as a national hero a source of irony, considering the long history of mistreatment of Guatemala’s native population.

The children in one of the schools in Panajachel commemorated the day with a dance and parade, shown in the photos below. Here in Guatemala, so many indigenous people continue to struggle for basic sustenance–enough food, clean drinking water, a secure roof over their head, a permanent floor under their feet. The effects of Tecun Uman’s defeat linger.

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Guatemala in February 2011

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

We’ve been here only two full days, but it feels like a week. So much happens. There’s so much to process. At some point, I want to talk about visiting with Olivia’s birth family because I sense that so many readers of this blog are interested in the subject—either because they visit their children’s birth families, too, or because it’s something they may consider in the future.  But to be honest, the experience is so intense, I’m not sure how to frame it. Not only because I’m sensitive to the family’s privacy, and to Olivia’s, but also because every visit is so emotional—happy and sad, intensely so, both, sometimes in the same moment.

It’s now 10:30 at night on Sunday, and thank goodness for Spanish-language Discovery Kids on PBS. Olivia and Patrice are brushing up on their Spanish with Chica Super-Sabia, Lazy Town, and Mister Maker while I write this. We’re all exhausted.

So I thought I would post some photos from the start of our trip. The new La Aurora International Airport in Guatemala City—if you haven’t been back since 2004, you’d be amazed. The airport is finished, and it is beautiful. The photo at the top is of Olivia at the brand-spanking new luggage carousel. The photo below is of us at breakfast at the Camino Real with my sister and ace traveling companion, Tia Patrice.

Here we are in the lobby. The porter behind us has known Olivia since she was a baby.

I took the last photo on the road to Panajachel. A pit-stop in Tecpan at Katok is a must, even if you don’t take a detour to view the ruins at Iximche (and please do so if given the opportunity).  The photo here doesn’t do the place justice—you can’t smell the fragrant woodsmoke, or taste the delicious homemade pan integral and fresh berry jam. I wish you could.

Thanks for reading. Time to get some sleep. xoxo

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Mamalita on the Marshall Institute Blog

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

Here’s an excerpt from an interview with questions asked by playwright Allan Havis, provost of Thurgood Marshall College at UC San Diego. A Look at the Hardships of International Adoption: A Conversation with Jessica O’Dwyer, was posted on the Marshall Institute Blog on February 14, 2011.

Click here to read the interview in its entirety.

Mamalita, your new well reviewed book, shows an American woman’s quest to adopt a baby girl despite an amazing series of hurdles in Guatemala.  Was it cathartic to put this personal story down on paper?

Very much so. When I came home from Guatemala, my husband was convinced I was suffering from a form of post-traumatic stress. I panicked at unexpected things—for example, seeing my address listed in a directory—because I was afraid someone bad was after me. Writing allowed me to get the story out of myself. It gave me perspective and distance.

You actively correspond with the birth mother of your child.  How does that impact your parenting and your dialogue with your child?

Since searching for and meeting Olivia’s birth mother, “Ana,” a Maya widow who speaks K’iche and some Spanish, I have much greater insight into my daughter’s cultural and genetic personality traits. Olivia’s stillness and self-containment, for example—I recognize those traits as coming from Ana, and from her Maya roots. Meeting Ana has given a new calmness to Olivia. There’s no longer a mystery at her core. She knows who she is, and where she comes from. I describe it as a circle being closed. We talk by cell phone and visit once a year. Every family is different, but for us, an international, open adoption works. I recommend it.

The 2003 film by John Sayles, Casa de los Babys, depicts several American women waiting out their residency requirements in order to adopt in an unnamed Latin American nation.  Did the film accurately convey the world of what you experienced firsthand?

The emotions of longing, and fear, and helplessness felt very familiar. The details were different—we had no residency requirement although I lived in Antigua for six months, and the solution was not as simple as the one depicted—but the passion felt the same. I loved that movie.

How do celebrities like Angelina Jolie and Madonna misdirect the perception about international adoptions?

They make it look so easy! And, I assure you, it’s not. That aside, I applaud both women for raising awareness of international adoption, and keeping it on the front page. Today, in the world, there are some100 million children living without permanent families or homes. If Angelina Jolie and Madonna inspire people to care about the fate of those children, more power to them.

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Another Espresso Please says Mamalita shows “the good, the bad, the ugly”

Saturday, February 12th, 2011

People outside the adoption community may not realize how contentious the subject is within the community. This review of Mamalita by blogger “Coffeemom” at “Another Espresso Please“–self-described as a mother to eight, through birth and adoption, both domestic and international–explains:

Now, to be honest, I wasn’t sure about this book to start.  Obviously, I am an adoptive mom and have adopted here in the states as well as internationally, from Ethiopia.  That makes my family a multiracial, multicultural blended up  mix of people.  It also makes me place adoption and adoption issues pretty high on my personal radar.  All this is to say that I had kind of tangentially followed the roller coaster of the adoption world in Guatemala over the  years, but from afar (no pun intended), and I was a little hesitant to read this memoir.  I feared a skewed perspective or an unfair or romanticized treatment of what was and is still an extremely complicated, layered, and challenging topic.  International adoption is not for the faint of heart, nor is it for the unscrupulous.   You must have hard eyes to see and hold a steady gaze at the roller coaster of process; making sure along the way that your desires are jiving with foundational ethics, preferably those laid out by the Hague Convention.

So, with that disclaimer and mindset, I began.  I found this book honest and compelling… It took me a bit to come to a kind of reading rapport for the author, largely due to my aforementioned guard regarding Guatemalan adoptions.  However, as the story continued I found myself appreciating her honesty and the clear eyes she used to see and describe both the beauty and the hardships in Guatemalan adoption.

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Mamalita is an honest, frank retelling of the Guatemalan adoption process: the good, the bad, the ugly. It is a book that might well engender some controversy in this heated climate of international adoption.  If only because of that, it is worth a read.   It shows us the near precipice where desire, desperation, and truth stand and take stock of each other. I still think about this book because it reveals the complexities of this difficult process, adoption, and it’s not a comfortable thing; nor should it be.  O’Dwyer shows us the heart of a mother, in this case, an adoptive mother and how she will literally go the distance and move the map of her home to go get her child.

It sounds like an oxymoron to say this, but I am passionate about moderation. I believe in balance, thoughtfulness, and the ability to consider an issue from all sides. Thank you, Coffeemom, for recognizing this quality in my writing. I’m grateful.

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Another reason to love Hugh Jackman

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

… is that he’s married to Deborra-Lee Furness, the woman the Australian Melbourne Weekly describes as “film actress and fierce adoption campaigner.”  Deborra-Lee Furness and Hugh Jackman are adoptive parents to two children born in the United States–Oscar, age 10; and Ava, age 5. In November 2010, Furness organized a summit in New York, Forgotten Children: International Adoption and the Orphan Crisis, featuring leaders in the field such as Dr. Jane Aronson, Ethiopian pediatrician Dr. Sophie Mengistu, and filmmaker Deann Borshay Liem (In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee).

In this profile, titled Deborra-Lee Furness: Leading the Charge, the Melbourne Weekly writes:

Actress Deborra-Lee Furness is leading the charge to change Australia’s ‘‘anti-adoption culture.’’ … She’s only been in Melbourne for a few days and an Australian Institute of Health and Welfare report into local adoption rates was released this morning… While the disturbing statistics such as a 21-fold decrease in adoptions in Australia since the early 1970s are nothing new for the long-time campaigner, Furness is still furious about the personal stories of excruciating red tape and bureaucratic decisions.

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After miscarriages and failed IVF attempts, Furness and Jackman adopted two children in the U.S. Furness says the kids are just sensational. “They are well travelled. Oscar is very artistic and Ava wants to be a rock star – so at least they are in the arts, which is good!”

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While Furness is happy to speak candidly albeit briefly about her own brood, it’s the issue of other adopted children that really fires her up. Having founded Adoption Awareness Week in Australia in 2008, Furness recently hosted an adoption summit in New York where she pulled together the “rock stars of the field.” Together with editor of the Daily Beast news website Tina Brown, Furness invited representatives from UNICEF, Harvard, Worldwide Orphans Foundation and politicians to talk about the orphan crisis.

Furness insists that she is not pro-adoption (“I wish every child could stay with their family, but that’s not the world that we live in”), but she gets extremely frustrated with Australia’s “anti-adoption culture” which makes inter-country adoption near impossible. Of the 40,000 inter-country adoptions worldwide in 2009, only 270 were Australian. A four- to seven-year wait is the minimum for most local couples, with many having to wait up to 10 years. Most invest a huge amount of money and emotion and for some, the process takes so long that they miss out completely.

“This is a huge, huge crisis and these kids aren’t part of it,” Furness says. “They aren’t voters, there is no agenda for the politicians but I do think you judge a country by the way they treat their children and it is embarrassing. I am out there on the international stage and we are the lowest in the world as far as inter-country adoption…  I have been talking to the attorney-general and trying to speed it up, but it needs leadership – people who understand the situation and how complex it is.”

Finally, the article concludes:

Like all working mums, Furness admits it is difficult to juggle her campaigning, acting career and family, but says it’s the injustice of the adoption situation that keeps her going.

Long may she wave.

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Suburban wildlife

Saturday, January 29th, 2011

We live in suburban Marin County, and in our yard, we’ve spotted possums, deer, rabbits, gophers, raccoons, and snakes, but never a fox, and never on the back deck–a destination that requires climbing some 20-odd steps. That’s why when I saw one peering in at me, I grabbed the camera and called to the kids, and why Mateo is so delighted in this photo. The silver-furred fox must have been tracking the mice who scamper through our tomato and strawberry beds, stringy and watery after a long winter. 

Our visit with the fox was short-lived. Once Mateo slid open the deck door, eager to play, I shooed the animal away, worried about the transmission of diseases. He trotted back down the deck steps, and disappeared into the stand of bamboo.

A few days later, I went outside to pick up the mail and was greeted by this: a male turkey leading a bevy of females on a trek across our front yard. As Olivia would say, “What the word?” How did they get here is what I want to know. And where are they going?

Such wildlife sightings may be common in your neighborhood, but not in ours. Tigers aren’t native to Marin, I hope.

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Missouri Supreme Court rules in adoption case involving Guatemalan woman

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

A while back, I posted about a case in Missouri where the American-born child of a Guatemalan mother was adopted to a U.S. family. Here is an excerpt from the latest report by the Associated Press:

The Missouri Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that state adoption laws were not followed in terminating the parental rights of a Guatemalan woman who was caught up in a 2007 immigration raid and allowing her son to be adopted by an American couple.

But the decision doesn’t automatically return the now 4-year-old child to his birth mother, Encarnacion Bail Romero. The court instead ordered the completion of mandatory reports about Romero, the adoptive parents and the boy, and a new trial regarding Romero’s parental rights.

Judge Patricia Breckenridge, who wrote the majority opinion for the seven-member court, said another hearing would be required because the evidence in the case suggested abandonment. In a footnote, Breckenridge expressed concern about how the case played out, and three other judges indicated they would have reversed the adoption.

“Every member of this court agrees that this case is a travesty in its egregious procedural errors, its long duration and its impact on mother, adoptive parents and, most importantly, child,” Breckenridge wrote.

Romero was arrested during an immigration sweep at a poultry plant, and sentenced to two years in a federal prison after pleading guilty to aggravated identity theft. Since leaving prison in 2009, she has been seeking to regain custody of her son, Carlos, who has lived with Seth and Melinda Moser, of Carthage, since he was about 1 year old.

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The case has generated widespread interest. The Guatemalan consulate, the American Civil Liberties Union and several other groups submitted written arguments to the state Supreme Court. Guatemala’s ambassador to the U.S., Francisco Villagran, watched the November oral arguments and sat near Romero in the courtroom. He said later that the dispute was the result of unclear American immigration rules.

I cannot imagine that the child Carlos will not be returned to his biological mother, who could not have predicted the eventual chain of events when she first asked relatives to care for Carlos while she was in jail. Adoption never seemed to be her intention. The AP article states:

Another couple who had been helping Romero’s family care for Carlos after his mother’s arrest had contacted the Mosers about adopting him. The boy was born in the U.S. and is a U.S. citizen. Romero was not immediately deported after serving her sentence so she could challenge the adoption, according to her attorneys.

If and when Carlos is returned to Encarnacion Romero, another layer of complexity will be added: As a child born in the U.S., Carlos is a U.S. citizen, while Romero is not. Presumably, they will both return to Guatemala. At this point, Carlos has spent three years with his adoptive family, the Mosers, and this duration will only increase with the new trial. I agree with Judge Breckenridge’s statement: “This case is a travesty… for its impact on mother, adoptive parents and, most importantly, child.”

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