Adoptive Families magazine publishes “Mateo’s Family Tree”

September 21st, 2011

A few months ago, I wrote a blog post about an experience I had while in Mateo’s kindergarten classroom. The post resonated for many readers, who encouraged me to expand the short blog into a longer essay and submit it for publication. I did, and am delighted that Adoptive Families magazine accepted the piece. Click here to read Mateo’s Family Tree in the September issue.

The essay speaks to my belief that many children who are adopted need and crave information about themselves and their beginnings. And not only children. Adults do, too.

Here are the first three paragraphs, which I hope will entice you to read the whole thing:

Most days, my six-year-old son, Mateo, takes the bus to his suburban California kindergarten, but sometimes we drive, so we can read together in the classroom before school begins. I’ll chat with the other mothers on the playground as we watch our kids jump and run, their bodies radiating energy and happiness.

In a sea of mostly blond heads and peach arms and legs, Mateo’s black hair and light brown Latino skin stand out. I’m white, and so is my husband, but in our home, the contrast in color doesn’t seem so pronounced. It’s out here in the world, at school, even in diverse California, that Mateo and his sister say they often feel different.

On a recent morning, the excitement among the children was especially high. The teacher’s oldest daughter was pregnant, due to deliver any minute. I knew this because all week Mateo had been telling me, “Mrs. Spindler is about to become a grandma!” Our conversations on the subject provided me the opportunity to review the details of his family tree: He was born in another mommy’s tummy, in Guatemala, and my husband and I adopted him when he was six months old. And, according to the social worker’s report we received with his adoption file, Mateo’s birthmother lives with his biological grandma in a town three hours east of Guatemala City. But even that information is suspect. A few months ago, I hired a Guatemalan searcher to find Mateo’s birthmom. The lady who answered the door when the searcher knocked said no one lived there who had that name.

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NY Times article on adoption from China and why I believe all adoptions should be open.

September 19th, 2011

The Sunday, September 18 New York Times ran this article, For Adoptive Parents, Questions Without Answers. An excerpt:

On Aug. 5, this newspaper published a front-page article from China that contained chilling news for many adoptive parents: government officials in Hunan Province, in southern China, had seized babies from their parents and sold them into what the article called “a lucrative black market in children.”

The news, the latest in a slow trickle of reports describing child abduction and trafficking in China, swept through the tight communities of families — many of them in the New York area — who have adopted children from China. For some, it raised a nightmarish question: What if my child had been taken forcibly from her parents?

The details of the story felt familiar to me. As an adoptive parent to children from Guatemala, I also wondered whether or not the adoptions of my children were legitimate. The longer I parented my children, the more deeply I understood the loss endured by their birth mothers. What if those women had been coerced to relinquish their children? Or worse, what if my children had been kidnapped?

How can any adoptive parent not ask the same questions? If one follows newspaper articles, blogs, books, and TV reports, one would believe every birth mother was coerced, and every child kidnapped. What if that described our situation, too?

So I searched for my children’s birth mothers, to hear in their own words the reasons why they gave up their children. Now I don’t have to wonder. I know. My kids don’t have to wonder, either; they’re young, but they’re old enough to understand hardship, and tough decisions, and what it means to feel like you have no other options. At the same time, my kids know they are loved. How? Their birth mothers told them so.

The birth mothers of my children don’t have to wonder, either. “Ana” and “Juana” have seen their children, and touched them. Held them on their laps. Ana and Juana know their babies are alive and healthy, and loved–not only by them, but by me, too. Our family circle is enlarged. At the center, there is no mystery.

The situation in China reinforces my belief that all adoptions should be open–that is, birth mothers and adoptive parents should be allowed contact, and encouraged to communicate. Questions can be answered. Fears can be put to rest.

On a recent trip to Guatemala, I asked our “searcher” how many cases of coercion or kidnapping she had discovered during her interviews with thousands of Guatemalan birth mothers. Her answer: zero.

Wouldn’t adoptive parents like to hear that information from their children’s birth mothers, themselves? That, for reasons of their own, their Guatemalan mothers relinquished their children, not without pain, but with free will? By definition, adoption involves great loss. What it doesn’t need is silence.

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Writing Mama on the Squaw Writers’ Workshop

September 13th, 2011

A good friend and fellow Writing Mama, Marianne Lonsdale, wrote a lovely blog post on the Writing Mamas site, The True Spirit of Community at Squaw, about our shared experience this summer at the Squaw Valley Writers’ Workshop. I’m posting the link here, not to applaud myself about how great I am to have written a book, but to encourage anyone else out there trying to tell her story. As Marianne says, the journey is long, the path not usually straight. The takeaway message: Keep writing. Don’t give up. It takes as long as it takes. You’ll get there.

The photo above is of the group at Squaw who participated in the Published Alumni Series. From left, Brett Hall Jones, Sara J. Henry (Learning to Swim), Alia Yunis (The Night Counter), Michael David Lukas (The Oracle of Stamboul), Alma Katsu (The Taker), Jessica O’Dwyer (Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir), Lisa Alvarez.

Reading at Squaw was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. Someday soon, I know I’ll be sitting in the same auditorium, listening to Marianne read from her first novel.

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New York Times: “Desperate Guatemalans Embrace an Iron Fist”

September 10th, 2011

This morning, I opened the New York Times to find this excellent front-page article by Damien Cave, about Guatemala’s upcoming presidential election.

Read it here: Desperate Guatemalans Embrace an Iron Fist.

The challenges faced by the country and people of Guatemala seem almost intractable. As one friend commented on my Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir Facebook page, “Notwithstanding the progress stated, can any sane person expect that corruption will be stemmed significantly?”

Another friend, a Guatemalan, said to me words to this effect, “Until I read your book, and saw your reaction to Guatemala–the fear you felt when going to court, the knowledge that someone on the sidewalk might stick a gun in your face to steal your passport–I forgot that what we experience every day is not normal in a lot of the world.”

Damien Cave’s article captures that reality.

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Guatemalan election coverage from The Economist

September 8th, 2011

From the September 10, 2011 edition of The Economist, The Return of the Iron Fist, about the upcoming presidential election in Guatemala:

FROM hoardings plastered all over Guatemala, the stern face of Otto Pérez Molina stares out beside the clenched-fist logo of his Patriot Party. General Pérez, as he was known until hanging up his rifle in 2000, was once the Guatemalan army’s intelligence director. After coming second in the 2007 presidential race, he is the front-runner in this year’s election on September 11th.

I urge you to read this comprehensive and timely article today. One chilling sentence:

So far at least 35 activists or candidates for public office have been murdered.

What happens in the election will affect people we care about in Guatemala, and their families. As this article emphasizes, much is at stake.

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New film about civil war in Guatemala

September 6th, 2011

A new documentary by Pamela Yates about the civil war in Guatemala, Granito: How to Nail a Dictator, is due in theaters September 14, 2011. Here is the description from the website:

GRANITO is a story of destinies joined by Guatemala’s past, and how a documentary film intertwined with a nation’s turbulent history emerges as an active player in the present. In GRANITO our characters sift for clues buried in archives of mind and place and historical memory, seeking to uncover a narrative that could unlock the past and settle matters of life and death in the present. Each of the five main characters whose destinies collide in GRANITO are connected by the Guatemala of 1982, then engulfed in a war where a genocidal “scorched earth” campaign by the military exterminated nearly 200,000 Maya people. Now, as if a watchful Maya god were weaving back together threads of a story unraveled by the passage of time, forgotten by most, our characters become integral to the overarching narrative of wrongs done and justice sought that they have pieced together, each adding their granito, their tiny grain of sand, to the epic tale.

The cast includes 1992 Nobel Peace Prize Winner Rigobert Menchú. Stephen Holden of The New York Times wrote, “Granito: How to Nail a Dictator… doesn’t simply relate history; it is also part of history.” Click on the website link here to watch the film trailer.

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Korea to end most adoptions to the U.S. as of July 2012

August 31st, 2011

Today, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute posted an article, dated June 30, 2011, from the Korea Times, New law said to restrict adoption by foreigners.

From July next year, foreigners will be restricted from adopting a Korean child, unless the government fails to find his or her foster family here. Under the Special Law on Adoption and its Procedures passed the National Assembly Wednesday, the government will be responsible for reducing the number of babies and children adopted by parents abroad. It will also be required to draw up measures necessary to make them remain in the care of a Korean family. The law will take effect one year after promulgation, which is expected to take place within two weeks.

“It puts the top priority on the welfare of adopted children,” said Rep. Choi Young-hee, a lawmaker of the main opposition Democratic Party who proposed the bill.  She argued that those adopted abroad are more vulnerable to identity crisis and abuses by foster parents.

***

Government statistics show that of 8,590 abandoned babies and children in need of care last year, only 1,462 were adopted domestically while 1,013 were taken home by foreigners. The number of adopted children by foreigners has seen a decrease in the past few years since the government reduced the quota for overseas adoptions since 2007. The number of children adopted abroad was 1,888 in 2006, but it nose dived to 1,264 in 2007, 1,250 in 2008 and 1,125 in 2009, according to the Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs.

For opponents of intercountry adoption, who view the system as profoundly broken and beyond fixing, this announcement will be heralded with satisfaction. My hope is that permanent loving homes will be found in Korea for the remaining 6,115 “abandoned babies and children in need of care last year” who were not adopted, and the children of the future who will likely join their ranks.

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Book giveaway–Win a copy of “Love You More” by Jennifer Grant from Sharon Van Epps

August 30th, 2011

My friend, fellow blogger, and adoptive mom Sharon Van Epps is hosting a book giveaway on her blog, Whatever Things Are True: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful in the World of International Adoption. The contest closes on Sunday, September 4 at 5 p.m.

The winner will receive a signed copy of Love You More: The Divine Surprise of Adopting My Daughter, by Chicago Tribune columnist and mother of four (through birth and adoption), Jennifer Grant.  In my endorsement of the book, I called it “smart and funny, like a conversation with a good friend.” Here’s what Sharon Van Epps wrote:

Jennifer Grant had a strong marriage and three happy, healthy children. She had a fulfilling life as a full-time mother and part-time newspaper columnist and a home in an idyllic Chicago suburb. To a casual onlooker, her family would seem complete. But Grant and her husband David knew better. They felt that their family still lacked one member, and felt themselves drawn to consider adoption.

In LOVE YOU MORE: THE DIVINE SURPRISE OF ADOPTING MY DAUGHTER, Grant details the exciting and at times gut-wrenching, search for Mia – the daughter she eventually found in Guatemala. Grant walks the reader through the family’s decision to adopt, the strenuous search for their child, and the process of adjusting to life as a multicultural family. The author also addresses difficult topics like spiritual doubt, miscarriage, and the ethics of adoption.

Love You More will a great addition to your adoption library. And it’s free!

Click here to enter. Good luck~

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Summer’s last gasp

August 25th, 2011

Hard to believe, but Olivia and Mateo started back to school today. For years, people have told me childhood passes like a flash, but I could never quite believe them. Now I can.

Here are a few pictures from the last days of summer. The one above is from yesterday, when Mateo and I took a final spin along our favorite bike path. In the photo below, Mateo is showing off his new soccer ball from Guatemala.

In the last picture, Mateo greets his first day of school with a smile. Summer’s over, all right. I’m sorry to see it go.

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Travelojos on Mamalita and the uphill climb

August 23rd, 2011

Thank you to Steven Roll of Travelojos for reviewing Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir. I’ve always viewed Mamalita as part travelogue, and I’m glad Steven saw the book that way, too. What I also loved is that Steven understood the many-layered challenges adoptive families face—not only “dishonest adoption brokers, government corruption, and endless bureaucracy,” but also a prevailing suspicion of outsiders in general. Steven writes:

“My interest in the book was piqued by my visit to Guatemala last year. I had learned about the country’s adoption reform initiative before I attended a language school in Xela for a week in May. The language school’s application asked if I preferred to stay with a family with or without children. This seemingly innocuous question gave me pause because I had read about instances of mob violence in Guatemala arising from suspicions of child snatching. Guatemala is one of the top sources of adopted children in the world. In 2007, the country tightened its adoption regulations following allegations of profiteering and infant trafficking.

“Suspicion there runs so deep concerning foreigners’ intentions with children that the U.S. State Department warns tourists against interactions with them. The tourists who do risk becoming victims of mob violence.

“The U.S. State Department’s profile for Guatemala notes that:

in 2007, two foreigners (including an American citizen) and a Guatemalan kayaking on a river near Chicaman, Quiche were accused of stealing children and seized by a 500-person mob (estimated). Although threatened, the individuals were not physically attacked. The incident occurred after the group had been talking and joking with a local boy on the river bank. In Sayaxche, Petén, rumors escalated into mob action against a Guatemalan couple believed to be involved in child stealing. The husband was beaten and burned to death, and the wife threatened, but was eventually turned over to the police. A local American resident was also seized and threatened with death when he tried to intervene with the mob. In the same area, a family of American tourists, along with several Guatemalan motorists, was held overnight at a road blockade for possible use as human shields. Mobs have also targeted police, resulting in delayed or ineffective responses by law enforcement.

“Unfortunately, O’Dwyer’s book makes clear that the paranoia surrounding this issue causes problems for families who have only the best intentions. It often makes them easy prey for dishonest profiteers.”

Read Steven’s entire review here. And if you know anyone with an interest in Central America, please tell them about Mamalita.

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