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Pix from readings in Santee and with the Writing Mamas at Book Passage

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

Cindy Bailey, Jessica O'Dwyer and Li Miao Lovett at Book Passage_Mamalita

This past Sunday night, I spoke at the monthly meeting of the Writing Mamas Salon at Book Passage in Corte Madera, California. Along with me were my friends, Cindy Bailey, author of The Fertile Kitchen Cookbook, and Li Miao Lovett, author of In the Lap of the Gods. The three of us met at a Writing Mamas meeting some years ago, each of us passionate about our stories and looking for support in our efforts to tell them. What a thrill it was to share the joy of publication with one another, with other group members, and with Writing Mamas founder, Dawn Yun.

In a previous blog post, I wrote about speaking (and crying) at the Santee Public Library in San Diego last Friday. Here’s a photo from that day, with two of my friends and former colleagues, Penny Taylor and Mary Johnson. The zippered bags we are holding are from Guatemala, as is my turquoise necklace. The photo was taken by another friend from the museum group, Tomoko Kuta.

Penny, Jessica, and Tomoko in Santee_mamalita

The photo with Tomoko turned out a little blurry, but I was very happy and grateful she–and everyone else–was there to share the day.

On Wednesday, December 8 at 7 p.m., I read at the Borders Bookstore in Fairfield, Connecticut. On Thursday, December 9 at 7:30 p.m., I’m at the Beverly Library. And on Sunday December 12, in Boston at the Borders on Boylston Street at 6 p.m.

If you’re in the area, please stop by to say hello. I’d love to chat with you about Guatemala, adoption, and Mamalita.

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Ambassador Susan Jacobs in Guatemala to discuss adoption

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

The U.S. State Department announced that Ambassador Susan Jacobs will be in Guatemala from December 7 to 11 to discuss pending adoption cases. This is great news for the families whose adoptions have been on hold since adoptions from Guatemala closed in December 2007. Ambassador Jacobs will also discuss the future of adoptions from the country, a subject of great interest to many interested in international adoption. My personal hope is that  headway will be made toward establishing adequate safeguards in the system so that adoptions may someday be reopened. Read the article here.

“Special Advisor for Children’s Issues Ambassador Susan Jacobs will visit Guatemala December 7 – 11 for meetings on intercountry adoption. She will meet with government officials and nongovernmental adoption stakeholders to discuss the status of U.S. citizen adoption cases that have been pending since the suspension of new adoptions by Guatemala in 2007. She will also discuss Guatemala’s efforts to implement new intercountry adoption safeguards that would provide a path toward future adoption processing.”

http://www.state.gov/r/pa/prs/ps/2010/12/152441.htm

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Up next, Boston; and a book giveaway

Monday, December 6th, 2010

I just got the kids off to the bus stop and in a few minutes leave for SFO to fly to Boston. Luckily, my sister Deanna and her husband, David, and their three girls will be waiting for me on the other side. This means I can pack light, as Deanna will lend me anything I need to wear. One of the many, many benefits of having sisters.

In case you live in Boston or Fairfield, Connecticut and can join me at a reading, please click on the EVENTS tab above to check my schedule.

Mamalita is the subject of another book giveaway. This one is on Marjolein’s Book Blog. Click here for Marjolein’s review of the book, an interview with me, and details on how to enter. My fingers are crossed that you will win! 

Here’s a small excerpt from the review to entice you to read more.
Off to Boston!

Tell us a bit about how Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir was started. When did you know you wanted to write down your story about adoption? Seven years ago, I was living in Antigua, Guatemala with my then fifteen-month-old daughter, Olivia, whom my husband I and had been trying to adopt for a year. I wasn’t the only American would-be mother living there. We were a group of eight. And every day, as we sat around obsessing over our cases and a bureaucracy we couldn’t seem to navigate, the other mothers used to say, “Somebody needs to write a book about this.”

My entire life I’d been searching for the one story I had to tell. Even as I was living the experience, I knew Olivia’s adoption saga was it.

During the book, the reader gets a real good inside look on the adoption process in Guatemala. What surprised you the most about the adoption process, what turned out differently than you expected? What surprised me most about the adoption process is how varied it can be for different people. The paperwork is daunting for everybody, but if you’ve signed on with a good agency, the process is straightforward and relatively easy. If, on the other hand, you get involved with one that’s like ours, you better brace yourself for a bumpy ride.

I never expected to quit my job and move to Antigua and finish the adoption myself. I never dreamed I’d get an insider’s look at what goes on behind closed doors. What outraged me most was the degree to which the welfare of children is ignored, by allowing cases to go on and on for months or years on end. Every day that a child languishes in an orphanage or foster care, without one-on-one love and attention, is a day he will pay for later, physically and emotionally.

What have you enjoyed most about the adoption? My children—Olivia, now eight and Mateo, six. They are my reasons for living. I’ve also enjoyed being captivated by the country of Guatemala. It’s a complicated place, with a fascinating history. I’ve loved learning about it.

Can we expect more books by you in the future? I hope so. That’s the first step. Thank you for thinking positive!

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A library reading in Santee, San Diego

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

Today, I read from Mamalita at the Santee Library in San Diego. In the audience were library patrons, museum friends, and adoptive moms (and one dad) whom I met through blogging and the Mamalita page on Facebook. A woman named Paty told me she found Mamalita browsing through the shelves at Upstart Crow, the indie bookstore where I read a week or two earlier.  Paty’s comment made me realize–again–the importance of one’s book being on an actual shelf in a bookstore. I’m learning that’s a hallowed position difficult to achieve, especially for an unknown, first-time author with no track record, such as yours truly.

I read the opening chapter of Mamalita, “The Hotel Lobby.” The story begins during our first visit to Guatemala. Our adoption facilitator brings us the wrong baby, and I describe the scene sitting on a sofa in the lobby awaiting the arrival of the right one. As I got to the part where I spot a bundle of pink blankets across the room that I recognize as Olivia and say “That’s her,” my voice broke and I started to cry.  Reading in public, that’s never happened to me before. But there was something about being in San Diego, among close friends who have known me for so long and shared some of our adoption journey. Everything came back.

It was an emotional beginning to an hour that included thoughtful questions from the audience about Guatemala, adoption, our story, and the process of writing memoir. Afterwards, I shared a delicious lunch with Library Manager Penny Taylor, who wrote a short book review that ran in the San Diego Union-Tribune on Sunday, November 28. My friend Tomoko took photos of the memorable day, with her snazzy red camera.  Someday soon, I’ll post a few. In the meantime, here’s Penny’s review.

Recommended Reads by San Diego Union-Tribune
Reviewed by: Penny Taylor
Job: Manager at the Santee branch, San Diego County Library.

She recommends: “Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir” by Jessica O’Dwyer (Seal Press: $16.95)

Why: Jessica O’Dwyer and husband Tim Berger knew that adopting their daughter from Guatemala would not be easy. They had done their research, though, and meticulously prepared the required paperwork. When the adoption was delayed, O’Dwyer moved to Antigua to complete the process and to protect her daughter from returning to foster care. Working through the numbing bureaucracy while dealing with greedy adoption agents, the stay stretched to half a year. Despite the strain, the story is told with an obvious respect for indigenous Guatemalan people, arts, and culture and includes descriptions of her travels in Guatemala. I really like the intimacy of this narrative: O’Dwyer shares her personal fears, not only questioning who to trust in this foreign country, but expressing the terror and the joy of being a new mother caring for her baby alone. This is not a maudlin family drama, but a crisply told adventure with a cliff-hanging conclusion.

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Articles about corruption in Guatemala

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

An article about irregularities in Guatemalan adoption was reported by the Associated Press on Wednesday, December 1. A friend who reads Prensa Libre in Guatemala told me the story had been reported there earlier and picked up in the U.S. 

GUATEMALA CITY — A United Nations anti-corruption commission has found irregularities in Guatemala’s adoption program despite government efforts to prevent fraudulent adoptions.

The International Commission Against Impunity in Guatemala [CICIG] says in a report it found cases where Guatemalan children were given to foreigners who were listed as their “foster parents” to circumvent a ban on international adoptions.

The commission didn’t say how many such cases occurred among the 393 children adopted since 2008, when Guatemala enacted a more stringent adoption law.

Authorities suspended adoptions in 2007 after discovering evidence some babies had been stolen or had fake birth certificates. With the new law, the ban on foreign adoptions was lifted in June. 

The story seems unclear to me. Does it mean adoptions started after the December 2007 shutdown? The article also seems to imply that adoptions reopened in June.  The U.S. State Department withdrew its letter of intent to participate in Guatemala’s new adoption pilot program because it didn’t see evidence that new safeguards were in place.

Some background: In June 2010, the head of CIGIG, Carlos Castresana, the Spanish judge leading the UN commission charged with fighting Guatemala’s corruption, resigned in frustration after the appointment of Conrado Reyes as Attorney General, as reported in this New York Times article. On June 11,  the Times reported that  “Guatemala’s constitutional court has removed the nation’s embattled attorney general, appearing to head off a growing political crisis in a country besieged by organized crime and corruption.”

Guatemala continues to recover from a 36-year civil war that ended in 1996.

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Thank you, adoption writers and bloggers

Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

During the years I was writing Mamalita, I heard a lot of helpful advice about what to do and what not to do when writing a book. One of the most helpful lessons I learned was the importance of ignoring the critic on your shoulder as you sit in front of your computer, toiling, the one who whispers in your ear “You can’t do this,” or “No will want to read it,” or “You shouldn’t write that!

What I learned was that I had a story to tell. My job was to tell it.

But I must admit, there was a tiny part of me, a slim sliver of my subconscious, that worried how Mamalita would be received by the adoption community. Did any other adoptive mother feel the way I did, the first time I held my daughter in my arms? Was I the only person who became a screaming, hysterical lunatic when told her baby’s DNA test was lost? Did other parents feel a knife to the heart when their child didn’t recognize them as mommy or daddy? Would anyone out there relate to our story?

That’s why I was so happy when Adoptive Families magazine recommended Mamalita as a “richly written book, part thriller, part love story, part exposé… a cautionary tale.” Or when Lisa S. at Ouradopt.com said she “read it one breath.”

This week, two other adoption blogs for which I have enormous respect, American Mamacita and Creating a Family  weighed in. Kim of American Mamacita said:

“As I read along with Jessica’s adoption story of Olivia – including her epilogue in which she recounts locating Olivia’s first mom and their reunion and on-going contact – I could not help but compare our own kids’ adoption story and reinforce our plan to locate their other mom as well.

If a book makes you want to act, to advocate for transparency, or even ‘just’ to be more open and sensitive to your own kids’ adoption experience, that’s a book worth reading. And this is that kind of book.”

Finally, Dawn Davenport of Creating a Family chose Mamalita as the adoption book to give for the holidays. Dawn wrote:

“I loved this book because of the way O’Dwyer handled the ethics of international adoption. It is tempting as an adoptive parent to become defensive, to gloss over the ethical dilemmas inherent when wealthy people from developed countries adopt babies from poor people in undeveloped countries. It is equally tempting for ‘reformers’ to over simplify the ethics and the solutions. The reality is that often international adoptions are a blur where the white and black hats are not at all clear. O’Dwyer captures the gray with a refreshing lack of defensiveness or editorializing, allowing us to ponder what we would do if faced with the same situation.”

Oh, to be understood! Especially by people whose opinions I value. Thank you, thank you.

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Book giveaway on “Singlemommyhood” blog includes a copy of Mamalita

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

You can win a copy of Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir and four other great books that include parenting as a theme in a giveaway sponsored this week by Singlemommyhood. Act now, because the contest ends TOMORROW, on December 1.

I met Rachel Sarah, co-founder of the blog (with Dr. Leah Klungness), at a reading of her terrific memoir, Single Mom Seeking. A few days later, Rachel contacted me to compliment me on my portrayal of single moms in Mamalita, and asked if she could feature it in a book giveaway. Absolutely!

Here’s a link to the Singlemommyhood page, with details on how to enter.  Good luck!

http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2010/11/adopting-and-a-book-give-away/

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Adoption as punchline

Monday, November 29th, 2010

On November 8, I received an email from Bob Stevens of Massachusetts, telling me about a television ad that he found offensive.  Bob wrote: “I learned of your book and website in my research to raise awareness about adoption and bullying. Perhaps you might join my effort to enlighten our corporate citizen, Sony, about adoption.”

He went on to tell me about a Sony ad for Playstation3 that features a father taunting his daughter with this line: “You’re adopted!”  Bob noted: “In this age of enlightenment, Sony Entertainment still feels that adoption is fair game for bullies.” He asked me to join him in celebrating National Adoption Awareness Month by “helping Sony Corp. to be aware of the devastating repercussions of their insult.”

One way I could do that was by writing an editorial, which I did. “Adoption is not a line for a gag” appeared in the November 29, 2010 edition of the Marin Independent Journal in the “Marin Voice” section. Click here to read the article, or read it pasted below.

Bob also suggested writing to complain to Jack Tretton, President and CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment America. I sent a short email outlining why I found the commercial offensive, and you can too. Mr. Tretton’s email address is jack_tretton@playstation.sony.com

Finally, here’s the link to the ad, posted on YouTube with 95,000 views and counting. After watching it, you may be inspired to act in some small way to raise sensitivity about adoption.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YkPtWUohaA&p=9A4E067D6E95E2B2&playnext=1&index=98

Thank you for caring. Here’s my article.

Marin Voices: Adoption is not a line for a gag
By Jessica O’Dwyer

PICTURE the scene: You’re at home watching Kung Fu Panda on the FX Channel with a group of teenagers, when a commercial comes on for Sony’s Playstation 3.

The product advertised promises to improve your golf game. The camera focuses on a middle-aged mom practicing her swing, then zooms in for a close-up of her father’s face. To break his daughter’s concentration, the dad taunts her by saying, “You’re adopted!”

According to my friend who was there, the teens watching Kung Fu Panda saw the commercial and reacted with stunned silence.

Why? Because, like 1.5 million other children in this country–2 percent of all U.S. children–each one of the teens was adopted.

As an adoptive mother to two children myself, I am acutely aware of how sharply and deeply thoughtless comments about adoption can cut. No matter how loved a child is, or how well-adjusted, a cruel and thoughtless remark pierces to the core of their very being.

There’s a reason the writers of the Sony ad chose that particular line of dialogue. They knew it would hurt. Too often, the tone and delivery of the word “adopted” implies “less than,” “inferior,” and “unwanted.” The subtext is crystal clear.

Much like skin color, religion, size and shape, adoption is something most children did not choose for themselves. It is a state of being that is immutable.

Even when wonderful, adoption is not simple, and it’s not easy. Volumes have been written on the subject, with titles such as “The Primal Wound,” “Silent Tears” and “Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self.”

 In my house, on most days, there is nothing facile about adoption.

Yes, there is love and joy, but for my daughter and son, and, by extension, for my husband and me, there is also pain and loss, identity struggles and unanswered questions. That’s not even factoring in the complicated emotions of our children’s birth families.

Why is adoption considered fair game for mockery?

Two recent films — Orphan and Pauly Shore Adopted — demonstrate how popular culture treats the subject. Both films give viewers permission to make fun of kids who are adopted.

I try to imagine a movie that makes equivalent fun of essential elements of myself, one that crudely mocks my religion or skin color. Legions of viewers would stand beside me and protest.

Indeed, laws and potential lawsuits protect us from such “entertainment.” Making fun of adoption is equally wrong.

I, for one, am taking a stand and saying, “Enough.”

According to a study by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, some 60 percent of Americans report a personal connection to adoption, either knowing someone who has been adopted, adopting a child, or relinquishing a child for adoption. Does Sony Corp.’s Playstation division only employ people belonging to the other 40 percent?

How can an entire company be so insensitive to the facts of adoption in this country? Adoptive families are here to stay. We are your neighbors and coworkers, your colleagues and friends. We have feelings, too.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

According to a recent survey released by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the Adoption Institute, in America today, more than 134,000 children wait in foster care for adoptive homes. Worldwide, some 163 million children live without families. Instead of making jokes about kids who are adopted, shouldn’t we focus our efforts on finding ways to help the 163 million orphans who are not?

The words “You’re adopted” are far too serious to serve as mere punch line.

http://www.marinij.com/opinion/ci_16718250

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Adoptee and reform-advocate Betty Jean Lifton memorialized in NY Times

Saturday, November 27th, 2010

This morning, I read in The New York Times that “writer, adoptee and adoption-reform advocate” Betty Jean Lifton died on November 19 in Boston. She was 84. Ms. Lifton was born in Staten Island in 1926. Her birth mother is described as “a 17-year-old girl”; her birth father as a “bootlegger and bon vivant.” The couple was unmarried. Ms. Lifton was placed in foster care; a Cincinnati couple adopted her when she was 2 1/2.

The New York Times says:

Ms. Lifton, who lectured widely about the potential psychological effects of adoption, was best known for a nonfiction trilogy: “Twice Born: Memoirs of an Adopted Daughter” (McGraw Hill, 1975), in which she recounts her adulthood search for her birth mother; “Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience” (Dial, 1979); and “Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness” (Basic Books, 1994).

When “Twice Born” was first published, there were few books about the adoptee experience. Adoption in general was a veiled topic, and adoptees — assuming they were told anything — rarely knew their given names, their birth parents’ identities or the precise circumstances of their adoptions. …

As a result, generations of adoptees grew up with a void where their personal histories should be and, Ms. Lifton argued, with deep feelings of confusion, grief and loss.

She added: “I say that society, by sealing birth records, by cutting adoptees off from their biological past, by keeping secrets from them, has made them into a separate breed, unreal even to themselves.”

Betty Jean Lifton’s writings on adoption are thought-provoking and powerful. May she rest in peace.

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Interview on “WomensRadio”

Friday, November 26th, 2010

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and ours was shared with my family, my sister Patrice, and good friends. My plan is to write more about it soon, but right now I’m posting a link to a radio interview I did with Pat Lynch for the  Speak Up! series on WomensRadio.  Click on the link to listen to it here.

Being interviewed “live” is still a new experience for me. I must say, I’ve gained a new respect for people who speak in front of microphones or cameras. But Pat Lynch made the experience delightful. As always, I’m grateful for the opportunity to talk about my favorite subject, adoption.

http://www.womensradio.com/episodes/Adoption-Gives-Good-Homes-to-Children-Around-the-World/7349.html

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