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Encarnacion Romero, Baby Veronica, and Claudia Paz y Paz

Friday, October 11th, 2013

I know at least one person in the world who’s not on Facebook–No, that’s not true. My husband’s not on Facebook and neither is my mom, so there are at least three–and who reads my blog to find links to articles of what’s happening in the adoption world, or one small sliver of it, anyway. So for her, I’m posting these. Two concern high profile adoption cases that recently have been resolved: Baby Veronica and that of Encarnacion Romero. The link to the Baby Veronica case includes a snippet of footage of her birth father, Dusten Brown, explaining why he his decided to stop fighting for custody for Veronica, who will remain with adoptive parents Matt and Melanie Capobianco. The link to the Encarnacion Romero case tells of the Missouri court decision to uphold the adoption of now six-year-old Jamison by Seth and Melinda Moser, a decision that may be contested again at a higher level. From the Kansas City Star:

One of several attorneys working for Romero, Bill Fleischaker, said attorneys have not made a decision on whether to appeal the ruling to the Missouri Supreme Court.

“But given the distance we’ve come, it would be unlikely that we would not take steps to get further review at a higher level,” he said.

The Mosers’ attorney, Joe Hensley, said the decision should help the couple “breathe a little better,” although Romero still has the right to appeal to the Supreme Court.

The child started living with the Mosers in October 2007, and they adopted him after a Jasper County court judge terminated Romero’s parental rights in 2008. That judge ruled the mother had not tried to maintain contact or provide for the child while in prison.

Romero’s lawyers contended that the adoption process was flawed and that Romero was not given sufficient legal representation before losing custody of her son, who is a U.S. citizen.

I try to imagine what it feels like to be party to either of these cases, and am frankly grateful that I’m not.

The third link concerns Guatemala’s brave Attorney General, Claudia Paz y Paz. According to the Christian Science Monitor, Paz may be a contender, albeit a long-shot one, for the Nobel Peace Prize. Sending positive thoughts her way. ~

 

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The tragedy of Hana Williams and failed adoptions

Monday, October 7th, 2013

David Crary’s AP article, Failed adoptions stir outrage; reforms are elusive tells the story of the tragic death of a girl adopted from Ethiopia, and the measures that must be put into place to prevent such tragedies from happening again. Eleven years into being an adoptive parent myself, I suggest my number one rule: “Not everyone should adopt children. Not everyone is capable of managing the complexity and challenges of adoption, and it’s naïve to believe everyone is.” The PBS film, “Girl, Adopted” addresses this issue brilliantly, and if you haven’t yet seen it (link below on the previous entry), please take the time to watch. The family involved is an inspiration, but they struggle.

Perhaps no one ever can be adequately prepared for the rigors of parenthood; moreover, perhaps no one truly focused on that goal ever can be effectively dissuaded from achieving it. Nevertheless, prospective adoptive parents, particularly those adopting older children who have endured institutional or foster care, must be informed of the challenges they will face, guaranteed.

Articles such as this one by David Crary are a step in the right direction.

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Girl, Adopted on PBS

Friday, October 4th, 2013

I just finished watching the powerful, realistic, and moving PBS documentary Girl, Adopted. Here’s the description from the PBS Global Voices website:

Girl, Adopted is a contemporary coming-of-age story that follows Weynsht, a 13-year-old Ethiopian girl, from an orphanage in Africa to an adoptive American family in rural Arkansas. An irrepressible adolescent, Weynsht searches for identity in an effort to find out who she is in the aftermath of her adoption. The film follows her struggle for love among strangers and to understand what to make of this love on an unexpected return trip to Ethiopia.

 Weynsht’s story offers a rare, child’s-eye view of being adopted across race and culture. Taking neither a pro- or anti-adoption stance, the film acknowledges the complexities involved and gives a real voice to the experience. The central question that Girl, Adopted asks is, “What is it like to get everything you need but to lose everything you know?”

The defining scenes in the film occur when, after two years of living in Arkansas and now speaking English, 15-year-old Weynsht returns to Ethiopia with her adoptive dad and sisters. During a visit with the woman who raised her for three years before she was placed in an orphanage–both Weynsht’s parents died when she was five–Weynsht discovers she has an older, biological brother, now in his early twenties. Not surprisingly, she feels strong emotions around this discovery–elation, confusion, abandonment, and curiosity, to name a few. During the same visit, Weynsht visits her former orphanage, which also provokes strong and conflicting emotions.

As an adoptive parent who has witnessed reunions between my own two children and their birth families, as well as the reunions of others, the responses and reactions of everyone involved resonated as absolutely real. What I valued about seeing Weynsht’s meeting unfold was that I had no personal attachment to it, and thus could experience it as an outsider. I kept thinking: “This is hard. This is complicated. This is not straightforward or easy. Especially for a child.” Truly, Weynsht is an amazing young woman.

Finally, I loved the insight gained by the adoptive dad and mom as they developed in their roles as parents. I don’t have a transcript and must rely on my notes, but at the end of the film the dad said something like, “I used to think adopting a child was something everybody could do. All you needed to do was open your homes and hearts to a kid. I don’t hold those same views today…You have an idealistic view of adoption. And as you go along, the details of that are filled in… But the reality of it is, it’s worth it, even if it’s hard.” The mother finishes by saying, “I would never, ever say that Weyhsht will one day be completely whole, and that everything will be cohesive. She always will be Ethiopian, she always will be African-American.”

In my opinion, Girl, Adopted should be required viewing for anyone considering international adoption, and particularly anyone considering adopting an older child. It’s that good.

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Families left behind through migration

Thursday, October 3rd, 2013

To me, the most interesting question around the subject of immigration to the US from Guatemala is “What happens to the women and children left behind?” Because mostly women and children are the ones left behind, as their husbands, fathers, sons, and boyfriends make the perilous journey through Mexico and over the border to the US. There’s no question why they risk their lives to do so: for work, to support their families, and to fulfill the belief they will find more opportunity.

In Guatemala: The Deported Return, written by James Rodriguez in the October 2 edition of Upside Down World, I learned these 2013 statistics:

Some 1.5 million Guatemalan nationals currently live in the US without documentation. (Guatemala’s total population is estimated around 14 million)

$ 5.2 billion was sent from the US to Guatemala in remittance money, representing 1/10 of the Gross Domestic Product

In the first eight months of 2013, 33,783 Guatemalans were deported from the US and returned to Guatemala. That number comprises:

31,051 men; 2,475 women; and 257 minors under the age of 18.

In California, I’ve met many Central American nationals who have left family behind, some starting new families here. As an adoptive parent, I’ve heard of several cases where a birth father (and, rarely, a birth mother) has left Guatemala and now lives in the US. In every conversation, I wonder “What does that feel like? Was the move worthwhile? Will you ever go back?” One great book on the subject of migration is the Pulitzer Prize-winning Enrique’s Journey, written by Sonia Nazario, about a boy from Honduras who travels to North Carolina to find his mother, who moved there to work.

I look forward to reading others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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SF Gate series on surrogacy in India

Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013

I’ve written a few blog posts about gestational surrogacy, particularly as it is practiced in India. SF Gate, the online version of the San Francisco Chronicle, recently published an in-depth series of articles about the increasingly popular practice, written by Stephanie M. Lee, with vivid photographs by Nicole Fruge. I recommend reading the entire series, Outsourcing A Life: Chapter One, Two, and Three.

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Guatemala to resolve all adoptions by year’s end, reports the Associated Press

Friday, September 27th, 2013

Every time I think about shutting down my blog–which is daily, because I hate that I don’t and can’t keep it as current as I should, or would like to–my mind immediately goes to the families whose adoption cases in Guatemala remain stalled, the families known as the Guatemala 900, who have been waiting for resolution at least since January 1, 2008. I think: if nothing else, this blog bears witness to their struggle. I want them to know they’re not alone, that someone out there remembers, that I speak for many when I vow to stand shoulder to shoulder with them until the ordeal for each and every one of their families is over.

Sometimes, I’ll take out a calculator and estimate the number of work hours that have transpired since the shutdown began, and try to imagine how it’s even possible to drag out a process for so long. Say a person works 30 hours a week, for 40 weeks per year. (I’m estimating generous vacation and legal holidays.) That’s 1,200 hours annually, which over five years, equals 6,000 hours. For one person, one single employee working on a case. And surely many more than one are assigned to process adoptions.

Anyway, you can see how crazy-making it becomes, for me who simply is observing, much less for families trapped in the never-ending Mobius strip of changing rules and requirements. The website of the Guatemala 900 posts frequent updates. Here’s a recent excerpt:

“[Pablo’s] August 27 court hearing was cancelled because INACIF (forensics) did not have the DNA results in hand of Pablo’s biological mother, who had made the journey to the courthouse.  The hearing was then rescheduled for yesterday, but again cancelled as the judge who has been working on Pablo’s case was moved to another court.  The new judge expressed that the case file “is very thick” and it will take him AT LEAST a month to review.  The new judge said that ‘maybe’ there can be a hearing on October 23rd.”

Arrrrrrghhh!

Then, yesterday, the Associated Press unleashed onto the world this bold announcement:

“Guatemala To Complete All US Adoptions This Year”

“Guatemala’s ambassador to the United States says a task force recently created in his country will help expedite the pending adoptions of 115 Guatemalan babies.

Ambassador Julio Ligorria says in a letter that the goal is to complete the pending adoptions by U.S. couples by year’s end.

Ligorria says in a letter sent Wednesday to lawmakers and U.S. adoption lobbyists that the group led by Vice President Roxana Baldetti began working earlier this month.

Guatemala was once a top source of adopted children for U.S. couples, with more than 4,000 babies adopted each year. The government suspended adoptions by foreigners in 2007 following allegations of fraud and baby theft.

The U.N.-created International Commission Against Impunity studied 3,000 adoptions and found falsified paperwork and fake birth certificates in several cases.”

My first reaction was Really?

My second: Well, okay, maybe. Anything’s possible. We’ll see.

In the meantime, also this week, my “web host” sent a note that the annual payment required to keep my blog up and running is due. I paid it, resolving (once again) to keep at it until the last case is processed, and the last child placed with a forever home.

As always, sending thoughts and prayers to the waiting families of the Guatemala 900. ~

 

 

 

 

 

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Getting organized 2

Saturday, September 14th, 2013

I’m into Week 3 post-reading Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project, and am emerging at last from the organizing phase. I hardly recognize my closet and can at last locate my favorite beaded Guatemalan necklaces, which now live, color coded, in small plastic containers instead of strewn haphazardly on shelves and in drawers. Two things I’ve learned: First, Nobody cares what my closet looks like as much as I do. Sure, when I slid open the door for the big reveal, my husband and kids said “Ooh! Nice! Good job!” But a second later, they were on to the next thing. Whereas I paused for several minutes simply to admire the order. My jeans folded in neat piles. My shoes lined up in a row. My blouses hung on hangers.

The second thing I learned is that my husband and kids notice what I wear, especially if it belongs to a palette other than black. A lavender cotton blouse that I acquired years ago elicited these responses: “Love the color!” and “You look great!” Believe me, I didn’t look that special. Just different. But doesn’t everyone’s eye crave novelty? With my closet organized, I can access stuff I already own, and use it. I’m thrilled!

The other big takeaway from Gretchen’s first chapter is the One Minute Rule. If a task takes less than one minute, do it. That means closing a cabinet, hanging up hats on the pegs in the garage, stacking books onto a shelf. Such small things, that take so little time, that I used to avoid. Not anymore.

This is my Gratitude List for the week:

  • For the first time ever, my kids attend the same school. This means that instead of rushing from one carline to another, I have one drop-off and one pick-up. Fantastic!
  • That school offers twice weekly “homework club” Yes, we must pay for the privilege. But two days a week, our entire afternoon and evening is not consumed by homework. My definition of heaven!
  • Because I feel more organized, I am able to think about my next writing project. Truly, this is the ultimate luxury and one for which I feel enormously grateful.
  • Someone I’ve never met wrote me a note to say how much she loved reading my book, Mamalita. Thank you!
  • I call my parents frequently, but often my Mom can’t remember the details of our previous conversations. Last night, she remembered clearly that Mateo had started an afterschool activity, enough that she could ask specific questions about it. For that, I am grateful, and happy.
  • This morning, my son, reading from National Geographic Kids Almanac, told me “Rats can’t burp.” How have I lived so long without knowing this important fact? Mateo, thank you!

Have a wonderful weekend!

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Media coverage of “rehoming”

Thursday, September 12th, 2013

We don’t have cable or watch TV, but even I know about the NBC and Reuters reports about adoption “rehoming,” in which one adoptive family places a child with another family, outside the legal system. My friend Tina Traster wrote a response to the media coverage, which appeared in the New York Times. Here’s the link:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/author/tina-traster/

 

 

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New Republic article on anti-adoption movement

Sunday, September 8th, 2013

The title of this article by Emily Matchar in the New Republic says it all: Meet the New Anti-Adoption Movement: The Surprising Next Frontier in Reproductive Justice. (Although I would argue that for those of us who follow the “politics” of adoption, the anti-adoption movement is not “new,” but one that has been present and growing for at least the past several years.) The article covers ground familiar to me, and I’m guessing many others:

The past decade has seen the rise of a broad and loose coalition of activists out to change the way adoption works in America. This coalition makes bedfellows of people who would ordinarily have nothing to do with each other: Mormon and fundamentalist women who feel they were pressured by their churches, progressives who believe adoption is a classist institution that takes the children of the young and poor and gives them to the wealthier and better-educated, and adoptive parents who have had traumatic experiences with corrupt adoption agencies

Some women, like [Claudia] Corrigan D’Arcy, blog their stories. They run message boards with names like “First Mother Forum” and “Pound Pup Legacy,” full of tales of bitterly regretted adoptions. They hold retreats for birthmothers and adoptees. They’ve formed several grassroots activist organizations, including Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform, Origins-USA, and Concerned United Birthparents. Some call themselves adoption reformers. Others prefer terms such as “adoption truth advocate.” A few will come straight out and say they’re anti-adoption.

***

Very few activists are claiming that adoption shouldn’t be an option, but the activists currently involved in the issue recognize that adoption is far from the perfect solution it was so long perceived to be. It’s a difficult, life-changing decision with ramifications that last a lifetime. As such, it needs to be treated with the utmost transparency and a much higher degree of ethical oversight, legal and otherwise.

“I would rather see us live in a society where we say to struggling pregnant women, ‘OK you have a problem, we should try to fix the whole situation,’” says Corrigan D’Arcy, “rather than remove the child and leave the mother in crisis.” One of the most important events of her recent life was locating her now-teenage son via MySpace. “Every portion of finding him, whether it was just finding that he was alive or finding where he is, I felt one step lighter, one step closer to being who I was really supposed to be.”

***

Reading the article, I felt a sense of near-vindication, that I haven’t been imagining it, that the prevailing opinion toward adoption is, in fact, primarily and increasingly negative. What does that mean for families like ours, that are so obviously formed through adoption, and especially for my children?

I can talk forever about how we know our kids’ birth families and have relationships with them; how adoption was the best choice for each of our children’s birth mothers (according to our children’s birth mothers themselves) and for thousands of other women; how we visit Guatemala every year and embrace the culture. But none of that counts, really, when you’re discussing the “philosophy” of adoption, and whether it should be permitted at all.

Regardless of the details of any specific case, and whether or not the “general public” is aware of it, a shift in attitude toward adoption has occurred and is occurring, led by many vocal and active critics of the “institution.” I commend Emily Matchar and the New Republic for writing and publishing an article that illuminates this important subject with candor.

Image credit: Google images

 

 

 

 

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Getting organized

Saturday, September 7th, 2013

Have I mentioned that this summer I read Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project? In it, she takes 12 months to tackle her vision of the world and tries to make it more positive. The first chapter is dedicated to clearing out clutter–a first-world problem to be sure, and one that I, although a self-avowed minimalist, have suffered from. Never again! Or at least, headed in that direction. This past week, with the kids back in school, I’ve been cleaning, organizing, and donating, enough that the guy in the Salvation Army truck now recognizes me. And I have to tell you: I feel better! Less is more. I know that. And yet I cling to things. Old clothes that don’t fit. And never fit, possibly. Which I never wear, because as a minimalist, I wear the same things all the time: Jeans and a t-shirt, white or black. Occasionally, a shirt of a different type. My children beg me: Wear something else!

Another thing Gretchen Rubin recommends is a Gratitude Journal. And although at first, this struck me as “so California” (Gretchen’s from New York), I quickly realized there’s no down side to taking stock and counting my blessings. I do this constantly. However, I never write these thoughts down. My journals, which I’ve kept since girlhood, are filled with things I dread or fear, or rants and complaints.

So this morning, while my son is reading quietly beside me, I will take note of a few things I’m grateful for:

  • All the obvious ones.
  • Yesterday, I got a flat tire on my minivan, going north on the 101 freeway, and safely pulled over. I called AAA and within 30 minutes, a tow truck arrived. Ten minutes later, my tire was fixed. Thank you!
  • Our tomatoes are in, and they are fabulous. Gazpacho for days. Enough frozen for spaghetti sauce all year.
  • A Friday lice check at school and we are clear!
  • Playdate today at our house, and the sun is shining so we can go outdoors.
  • This year, my goal was to read more books, and I have done that.
  • A few pending adoption cases in Guatemala have been approved, and the number of waiting families decreases.

An additional subject Gretchen talks about is making and collecting memories, through photo books and albums, and scrap books. For organized people, and I know you are out there, this is a given. For me, this remains uncharted territory. But this year, I’m motivated. The boxes and boxes of pictures that surround my desk downstairs will be organized. Not to mention the thousands of digital images that live on my computer. Soon, eventually.

If you haven’t read The Happiness Project, go borrow it from the library. (One less book to fill your shelf.) Keep an open mind, and, like me, you may finish feeling more in control of the chaos that is daily life.

Image credit: Amazon

 

 

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