A death in the family can bring up big emotions for our children, as it has for my 14- and 11- year-olds. Another dimension is the reaction by other kids. My 11-year-old son Mateo is in 6th grade. One recent conversation:

Mateo: When kids in my class heard Grandma died, they asked me if she was my “real” grandma or my “fake” one.
Me: What did you say?
Mateo: I said she was my mom’s mom. Not my birth grandma.
Me: (Pause.) How do you feel about that?
Mateo: You know, Mom, most people don’t understand about adoption. They don’t know the words “birth mother” and “adoptive mother.” They say real and fake.
Me: What do you think about that?
Mateo: I’m fine with it. I’m used to it.
Me: Yeah. It doesn’t bother me, either.
Mateo: I love you, Mom.
Me: I love you, too, Mateo. ~