My brother sent me this link to an article about Grateful Dead guitarist and founding member Bob Weir, who was adopted, and grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area. The article appears to date from some years ago, but I’ve never seen it before. I loved reading it and hope you do, too. The article begins:
Both my natural and adopted fathers were military men. My adopted dad attended Annapolis for seven years and came out with the military equivalent of a doctorate in Engineering. When they gave him his first commission and put him out to sea he was seasick from the time he left port to the time he got back. It was so bad they had to put him in the hospital. Then he tried it again right at the beginning of World War II. He wanted nothing more than to serve his country but it just was not going to happen. He showed a lot of perseverance. He was quite a guy. In fact, never in my presence did he ever use bad language. Rarely did I see him ever become angry, and it was not that he wasn’t a lively, energized person, he was just a consummate gentleman…
My natural father was born and raised in the Tucson, AZ area. He was 19 when he joined the Air Force and they put him behind the wheel of a bomber. He later became a test pilot and rose to the rank of Colonel. In fact, when he announced he was retiring, they offered him a Generalship but he declined because he had a son who was terminally ill.
My adopted parents passed on in 1972 from separate illnesses. My mom died on my dad’s birthday and a month later my dad died on my mom’s birthday. So you don’t argue with that kind of stuff. Then about ten years went by and I came home from a tour and it was my first night home and I was trying to sleep in. I had this very strange dream about my family home, my brother and a stillborn baby. And at the point of the dream where my brother and I pick up the baby and hold it, and each other, I was awakened by the phone ringing in real life. It was the Grateful Dead office calling to say there was a lady on the phone by the name of Phyllis who says she’s your mother and did I know anything about this. Apparently she had known for some time who I was and had tracked me, but had to sign a promise not to contact me while my adopted parents were still living.
I myself had actually done some research to try and find her but she pretty effectively covered her tracks. But I went and met her the next day and unfortunately we did not exactly hit it off she had twelve other kids. So I could ascertain with a fair bit of ease that she didn’t really have a need for me in her life. But I kept in touch with her, called her on Mother’s day and over this time she gave me some information regarding my dad; his name and where she last saw him which at that point was 40+ years.
Bob Weir explains how he searched his biological father, who was the commanding officer at Hamilton Field, then the local Air Force base in San Francisco.
But because I am almost pathologically anti-authoritarian I figured this would not go well for either of us because it does not get much more authoritarian than the commanding officer of a military base. Then I just sat on the info for close to ten years. Finally I figured this guy’s not getting any younger, I guess I better just buck up and do this…
It was early evening the next day and I called and said “I’m looking for John Parver,” and he said “That would be me” and I told him “well, I’m Robert Weir and I live in Mill Valley and I’ve been doing some research and have dug up some information that may be of considerable interest to you. But first I have to ask you a question or two.”
And he replied, “ok.” And I continued, “It concerns events that took place in Tucson about fifty years ago” and he said “ok” and then I asked “is it possible that you were romantically involved with a woman by the name of Phyllis?”
and he said “well, yes” and so I told him “sir, in that case there’s a very strong likelihood that, even though I”m not sure how many children you have, but you may have one more than you know.”
This was followed by a long silence and then he said, “The only Robert Weir I know is the guy that sings and plays with the Grateful Dead.
And I said “well sir, that would be me.”
The two men arranged to meet at a restaurant that happened to be a favorite of each, and thus began a new relationship. The article is fascinating on many levels, one of which is that it features the reunion between a father and son. Please read and let me know what you think.
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Tags: adoptive father and son, birth fathers and sons, Bob Weir and adoption, Bob Weir Grateful Dead
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gee it is amazing what a person can uncover after all those years of not knowing and all. and to think how very different the paths of bob weir and his birth dad/adoptive dad turned out to be too. it surely happens in many parent child relationships, so what can you say about traits in that case?
It’s funny, but I think the roles of world-famous guitarist and Air Force colonel (biology) and Anapolis grad (adoption) actually have a lot in common! Focus, determination, hard work. It speaks so well of Weir’s adoptive dad that Bob Weir was allowed to be who he is, and develop himself creatively. And Weir’s biological brother was also an accomplished guitarist. Genetics and DNA are proven influences, but nurture is in there, too. This may be my favorite article about adoption I’ve ever read. I love this story.
thanx you for share you have nice blogs…
[…]Grateful Dead guitarist Bob Weir on being adopted and meeting his birth father « Mamalita – an adoption blog by Jessica O'Dwyer on Guatemalan adoption[…]…
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