Posts Tagged ‘international adoption’

Heritage Camp

Saturday, June 26th, 2010

This is the third year I’ve been at the Opening Ceremony at Latin American Heritage Camp and I still cried. The children parade into the auditorium grouped according to their country of birth, carrying their country flag. The largest number of children were born in Guatemala—around 90—so they walked in first. Olivia and Mateo came in holding hands. Some other countries represented are Mexico, Belize, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Paraguay. Including presenters, about 450 people are attending. 

Being in a place where every family is a transracial adoptive family is extremely powerful.  Olivia and Mateo feel this, too. Both of them are old enough to be aware that in their class at school, on sports teams, and in church, they are “the adopted brown kid with white parents.” At Heritage Camp, every child is adopted. I try to imagine a similar parallel in my life, and I can’t. Adoption is a defining experience like no other. Because I’m not adopted, I can never truly understand what that experience feels like. Being at Heritage Camp raises my awareness and sensitivity to how profound the experience is.  (more…)

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Like Flying

Monday, May 17th, 2010

On Sunday, for the first time, Olivia rode a pink, two-wheeled bicycle. This weekend we celebrated her eighth birthday, and she asked for the bike as a gift. Up until now, my daughter had tooled around on a smaller bicycle fitted with training wheels, showing no interest in riding without them. But Sunday after lunch, she announced she was ready to graduate.  Tim took Olivia to our local bike shop so she could choose the spiffiest model. When they returned, Olivia showed off the bike’s features: knobby white tires, a handy kickstand, and pairs of reflectors on the spokes. 

We live on a hill too steep for a bicycle, so the four of us piled into the minivan and drove to the nearest playground. Of course I brought my camera. I’ve missed recording many of my children’s milestones, but my daughter’s maiden voyage on a bike was not going to be one of them.

Tim, Mateo, and I cheered while Olivia zipped around the playground, her balance becoming steadier with each revolution.  “It feels like flying!” she said as she pedaled toward me.  Her face was open with a giant grin. Mateo jumped on his Razor scooter to follow behind his big sister, and together they formed their own parade. Learning to ride a bicycle is a huge milestone, and both kids felt it. At eight years old, Olivia has left the ranks of little kids and is becoming a big girl. I’m still getting used to the concept.

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Life in Guatemala

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

I lived in Antigua, Guatemala, for almost six months while we were adopting Olivia, who was born there, and sometimes in the late afternoon she and I would sit on our living room sofa and watch Teletubbies. The show was perfect for us because although it was taped in English and dubbed in Spanish, it’s non-verbal, making it one of the few things we could understand together.

There’s a section in the show where the tummy of one of the Tubbies–I forget which one — turns into a rectangular TV set, and leads the viewer into a scene far away. One afternoon the distant action took place in a schoolroom in England, where cheerful children sat at small tables doing arts-and-crafts projects with an abundant assortment of supplies: scissors, construction paper, buttons, glue, and glitter. What I remember most is how much glitter was left to fall to the floor, small mountains almost, until the floor itself disappeared, and was turned into sparkles. (more…)

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Skin Cancer Awareness Month

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

May is Skin Cancer Awareness Month, a joint venture of the American Academy of Dermatology and the American Cancer Society. New research suggests that up to 3 million Americans will be diagnosed with skin cancer this year. 

The most serious form, malignant melanoma, will kill about 8,420 people. Fortunately, malignant melanoma, like most skin cancers, can be cured if detected early. 

Fifty percent of fair-skinned Caucasians will develop skin cancer in their lifetime. Asians, Hispanics, Latinos, and African-Americans can also develop skin cancer. Sun damage begins in childhood and is cumulative. As parents, we can be proactive for our children by following the American Academy of Dermatology guidelines:

  • Seek shade
  • Wear protective clothing
  • Use sunscreen (more…)

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Brad Pitt and Me

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

I just learned about a new group on Facebook called “It’s none of your business why we didn’t ‘just’ adopt from here.” 

While the group’s name might be seen as a little strident, I understand the sentiment. How many times have my husband and I been asked why we “didn’t just adopt from the United States?” So many that I’ve lost count. I’m not alone in this. Every adoptive parent I know who has adopted internationally has faced the same question. 

When we first started the adoption process with Olivia, I never dreamed I would one day be quoting Brad Pitt. But a few years ago I read an interview with him, and (predictably), he was asked “Why did you adopt from another country? There are so many children here who need homes.” Brad Pitt’s response rang so true that I remember it still: “Our children find us, wherever they are.”  (more…)

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The Con Artists

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

On Friday, March 19, Ezequiel Abiu Lopez of the Associated Press reported that Jorge Puello was arrested on human-trafficking charges in the Dominican Republic. Puello, age 32, is described as a “fugitive who once acted as the attorney for a group of U.S. Baptist missionaries accused of kidnapping 33 Haitian children.” The article goes on to say Puello is also wanted in Vermont and Canada for smuggling illegal immigrants, as well as in Philadelphia for violations related to fraud charges.

For someone like me who has adopted two children from Guatemala and closely observed that country’s adoption practices in the years since, this feels like deju vu all over again.  Jorge Puello is a con artist I already know. These con artists are a small but powerful minority who operate in the shadowy corners of international adoption, able to manipulate and exploit naive and trusting adoptive parents by preying on their emotions. The cons often operate in a country not their own and are therefore immune to the host country’s legal censure. Thus, when our first adoption became troubled and stalled due to improper practices,  the U.S. Embassy in Guatemala could claim “It’s not our problem,” as could the authorities in Guatemala. Only months into the process did we discover that our facilitator previously had worked in programs of other countries. When those countries shut down, the facilitator changed the agency name and resurfaced in Guatemala. When the U.S. Embassy  finally “banned” the facilitator from submitting cases to the Embassy, he simply hired workers to submit cases on his behalf.  A skilled con artist knows exactly how far he can go before  he breaks an international law.

Adoptions from Guatemala have been closed to families from the United States for two years. With new regulations in place, they are due to reopen in June. It will remain to be seen if the Jorge Puellos of the world will jump from Haiti and reopen for business in Central America.  (more…)

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Truth-telling and St. Patrick’s Day

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

There is much speculation in these parts regarding the comings and goings of leprechauns. “How do they fit under the door?” Mateo wants to know. “Do they swim all the way from Ireland?” Olivia has a classmate who swears she saw something green scooting out from the restroom yesterday. At recess, Olivia went to look for herself, and was disappointed when she came up empty-handed.

Like many children, ours believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, and, yes, little green men who speak with a brogue and wear pointed shoes. My husband and I encourage these fantasies: they’re the stuff of childhood magic. What kind of world would it be without reindeer that fly, fairies that fit through keyholes, fluffy rabbits that leave eggs filled with candy? A dreary one, indeed.

Then why do I feel uneasy as I spin longer and more convoluted yarns about the activities of leprechauns? Even as I tell Mateo, “It’s the pot of gold he’s after. Let’s set a trap with this paper cup,” I squirm at my own dishonesty. What happens when Mateo discovers I’ve been lying? That the little green man, the pot of gold, the rainbow–all of it is total fabrication? Will he question the validity of everything else I tell him? Where will he draw the line? (more…)

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Birthday Party

Monday, March 15th, 2010

On Sunday, we went to the birthday party of a good friend we met while fostering in Guatemala, the girl we all called “Baby Maya.” Except Baby Maya is now “Big Girl Maya”: seven years old. She and her mom live about 45 minutes north of us, and we do our best to get together a few times a year: birthdays for each child, definitely, and often around Thanksgiving and Fourth of July. I see time passing in Baby Maya, in a way I cannot in my own children. At each new visit, she is bigger, stronger, taller, with longer hair. I notice those things in my own children, of course, but not as dramatically. (more…)

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Date Morning

Friday, March 12th, 2010

My husband, Tim, swam with me this morning. I know that 72 laps together in a public pool is not exactly “date night,” but I’ll take it. After dropping off the kids, we drove over the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco. Found a prime parking space, too, which rarely happens in the city, so you know the morning was charmed.

It’s Week Three for me back swimming and I feel like a million bucks. My shoulders are more relaxed; my back less tense; and my hands, often cramped from typing, feel like they’ve been massaged. Even my brain is calmer. There’s nothing like the isolation tank that is water to help one reconnect with deep thoughts. (more…)

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The international adoption question

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

I received a questionnaire from my book publisher that said, “There’s a lot of controversy surrounding international adoption. What do you say to people who believe that children from another country should not be adopted by Americans?

The question didn’t surprise me because people ask me that a lot. My answer remains the same: I ask that they focus on what’s best for the child. Approximately 145 million children worldwide are living and dying in orphanages or on the streets, with no possibility of finding homes in their own country. Many will die, or if they survive, will reach adulthood so damaged by their experience, so deprived of parenting, education, and other essential opportunities, that they will be unable to function as adults in the realms of family and work. Countless studies by developmental psychologists and pediatricians prove that a child thrives best as part of a family, wherever that family comes from. Adoptions in Guatemala have been closed to Americans for two years now, and there has been no increase in adoptions of orphans by Guatemalans. There are simply more orphans. Instead of criticizing international adoption, people might better focus their energy on solving the problem of children living alone in the world, and figuring out how to give them the best chance in life. (more…)

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