Archive for 2011

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Winners of Mamalita book giveaway

Monday, March 7th, 2011

Posted by Sharon Van Epps on her blog, Whatever Things Are True: The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful in the World of International Adoption:

Wow! I’m absolutely overwhelmed by the enthusiastic response to my very first giveaway! Thanks to everyone who commented and signed up to follow on Twitter and Facebook. If only I were Oprah, I could give books to everyone…and a new car, too! If you didn’t win this time, I hope you’ll decide to stick around for more great giveaways and interesting posts to come.

The lucky readers who have each won a signed copy of MAMALITA: AN ADOPTION MEMOIR by Jessica O’Dwyer are:

Jennifer Zilliac and Jody Navratil. Congratulations!

Winners, please send an email  by March 14 with your contact info to:   whateverthingsaretrueblog(at)gmail(dot)com

Please list the name of your prize in the subject line. 

Thanks again, everyone!

 

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Adoptions from Ethiopia to be cut 90%

Monday, March 7th, 2011

On Friday, Voice of America reported “Ethiopia to Cut Foreign Adoptions by Up to 90 Percent.” The U.S. State Department promises to issue an Alert about the subject, but so far, none has been posted.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’ll just ask again “Why is it so difficult to regulate international adoption?” The article states:

Ministry spokesman Abiy Ephrem says the action was taken in response to indications of widespread fraud in the adoption process… Investigations have turned up evidence of unscrupulous operators in some cases tricking Ethiopian parents to give up their children, then falsifying documents in order to claim a part of the large fees involved in inter country adoptions.

The situation was the same in Guatemala. Everyone from Embassy officials to adoptive parents meeting their childen in hotel lobbies knew the identities of the “unscrupulous operators.” Why weren’t these unscrupulous operators arrested and stopped? Instead, the entire system was shut down.

And what exactly does “falsifying” documents mean? Does it mean changing an address to protect a birth mother’s identity? Or even changing her name? In my opinion, those kinds of falsifications are very different from falsifying the answer to the one question–the only question–that matters: “Did this birth mother freely relinquish her child for adoption?” 

For families in process, the next few months could be uncertain and unpredictable. I send you my prayers.

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After the visit

Saturday, March 5th, 2011

What I want to talk about is what it feels like for me after I visit birth family in Guatemala.  Not what it feels like for anyone else, because I’m not qualified to speak to that, but what it feels like for me.

And I don’t mean to imply that making contact with Olivia’s birth family is not the greatest thing I have done in my life. Because, really, it is. If I do nothing else in my life, I’ve done that. For my daughter, for her birth mother, for the rest of her biological family. And it feels huge.

But there is a sadness attached to it. The sadness of life’s realities. That circumstances are hard, that life is not fair. That situations are unstable. That some have so much while others have so little. Relationships end. People get sick. Wars happen, and people are killed. Illnesses wipe out entire families. Nine children are born, but only three survive.

When we go to Guatemala, when we insert ourselves into families’ lives, we change their perception of the world. We represent “elsewhere.” Another possibility. Someplace they’ve heard about, maybe from the man in another family who left and never came back. Who sent money for a while, then stopped sending it. Or the mother who sends it, but is still gone.

This is neither a good thing, nor a bad thing. Either way, it’s not simple. There is love, there is loss. There is longing. We each have something the other doesn’t.

We have changed the lives of Olivia’s birth family, as they have changed ours. I’m grateful and humbled.

Every visit brings back the emotions I felt the first time I held Olivia. Simply being in Guatemala triggers many memories of her adoption–good and bad. It takes a while to process the experience. Today, I give myself permission to be quiet and just feel.

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The “Who am I?” question

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

During one of my readings for Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir, a woman in the audience, “Sula,” said she cried when she read the book’s dedication: “To my children and their other mothers, with love.” Sula and her husband had chosen to create their family via egg donation. My dedication, and the parts of the story that highlighted the role of Olivia’s birth mother and my subsequent search for her in the highlands of Guatemala, triggered something deep within Sula. She said because of my book, she now views the role of her egg donor in a different, more substantial way.

I was reminded of this episode today when I read this article by Tom Blackwell in Canada’s National Post, published in the February 2011 edition of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute Newsletter. The abstract reads:

A pending case in Vancouver will determine if donor-conceived individuals in Canada will have a right to learn the identities of the people who provided eggs or sperm for their conceptions, Tom Blackwell reports in a January 28 National Post article titled “Genetic Rights: The Other Half of the Family Tree.” Although opponents of disclosure argue that raising the curtains on donor identities will decimate an already-small pool of gamete providers, the suit emphasizes the importance of finding one’s identity and roots, and points to the success of mandatory disclosure in Great Britain.

In the same edition, the Adoption Institute posted a report on adoption’s lessons for assisted reproductive technologies (ART), “Old Lessons for a New World.” The summary states:

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute released this Policy Perspective brief in February 2009 which suggests that the knowledge derived from adoption-related research and experience can be used to improve policy and practice in the world of assisted reproductive technologies (ART) such as sperm, egg and embryo “donations.”  “Old Lessons for a New World” identifies several areas in which adoption’s lessons could be applied, including secrecy and the withholding of information; a focus on the best interests of children; the creation of “nontraditional” families, particularly as more single, gay and lesbian adults use ART; the impact of market forces; and legal and regulatory frameworks to inform standards and procedures.

Clearly, as an increasing number of people turn to assisted reproduction as a method of forming families, the lessons learned from adoption will become even more critical.

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Back from Guatemala

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

After a wonderful and emotional visit to Guatemala, we’re back to our own reality. Everything looks a little different after even a short trip across the border.

First, an announcement about how to win your own autographed copy of Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir. To enter, click on this link to the blog Whatever Things are True: The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful in the World of International Adoption, written Sharon Van Epps, adoptive mother to three children. Then add a comment on Sharon’s blog answering this question: How has being a mom or dad drawn out your inner strength? Or if you’re not a parent, what important relationship or situation has demanded that you act with courage?

For multiple entries, you can follow Sharon’s blog or link to it, become a fan of Whatever Things are True on Facebook, or follow Sharon on Twitter and tweet about the contest. What could be easier? The Mamalita giveaway closes on Sunday, March 6. Enter today!

Second, here’s a link to an article about Hollywood legend Jane Russell, who was discovered by billionaire Howard Hughes in the 1940s and died last week at age 89. As John Cave Osborne writes on Babble, Russell “… was not only one of Tinseltown’s leading ladies, she was also among its more memorable sex symbols of all time, turning heads with sultry performances in classics like Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.”

But, more than that, Russell was an early pioneer of adoption.

Russell was unable to have children. For that reason, she and her first husband, Bob Waterfield, adopted and raised a daughter and two sons. Taken aback by adoption’s inefficient paperwork requirements, and amazed at how long the process took, Russell spent much of her downtime finding ways to make adoption easier.

In 1952, Russell founded the World Adoption International Fund (WAIF) to do just that. The group eventually facilitated more than 50,000 adoptions. In 1953, she testified before Congress in support of the Federal Orphan Adoption Bill which allowed for foreign children who were fathered by American soldiers while abroad to be adopted by American parents. In 1980, she was an integral part of the lobbying efforts for the Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act which served to reimburse parents for the medical expenses they incurred by adopting handicapped children.”

I wasn’t aware of Jane Russell’s adoption activism, and was glad to learn of it. May she rest in peace.

Finally, PBS News Hour is broadcasting segments by Ray Suarez about Guatemala on March 7 and 8. When you click on the link, be sure to watch the trailer for the series on the PBS website. As the reporters note, Guatemala is not front-and-center on the world’s political stage, covered “above the fold” in the daily newspaper. Perhaps segments such as these will help change that. From the website:

Senior correspondent Ray Suarez, just back from a reporting trip, describes Guatemala as a land of exquisite beauty, but also of exquisite agony. Violence against women is systemic and widespread – part of an overall pattern of violence that the citizens of Guatemala, who have endured several civil wars in the last 50 years, are suffering. The country is also hard hit with malnutrition and has one of the highest rates of infant and maternal mortality in the hemisphere.

Ray spoke with Hari Sreenivasan about his trip and the challenges Guatemalans faces on a daily basis.

On March 7-8, the global health unit will air two stories from Guatemala on the NewsHour, focusing on family planning and maternal health and violence against women. The NewsHour will also air follow-up discussions with representatives of NGO groups working in Guatemala and government officials. President Obama will visit Central America in mid-March as part of a three-nation trip.

On the NewsHour‘s web site you can read a reporter’s notebook from Ray on the complexities of preaching family planning in a traditional and religious society. Two reports from the field look at the the high levels of violence against women and efforts to provide young girls with education on how to protect themselves against violence. There is also a look at the high rates of malnutrition among Guatemala’s children and the health implications of the condition later in life.

Watch for much more as our series begins March 7. Web features will include a slideshow on indigenous communities in Guatemala, a timeline of historical events, and features on drug cartel violence in the region and gang-related crime in Guatemala City.

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Guatemala Part 7: Spanish School redux

Monday, February 28th, 2011

Several people have asked if I recommend studying Spanish in Guatemala. Absolutely, yes. Language schools exist throughout the country, but we only have studied in Antigua. Last August, we spent a month in Guatemala and I posted a blog about our experience at one school, San Jose El Viejo. I’m reposting the blog here. 

This summer at Latin American Heritage Camp, a panel of teen and adult adoptees dedicated a large percentage of their discussion to the importance of learning, speaking, and/or retaining the language of one’s birth country. The consensus was that language is critical if one wishes to interface with birth family, foster family, orphanage family, or, indeed, the culture at large, in a meaningful way. That’s true in my own life, as well: Speaking even elementary Spanish has allowed me to communicate with many more people in Guatemala than I would be able to otherwise.

Not that teaching a child a second language is easy. For my husband and me, it has been anything but that. Neither of us is fluent in Spanish, which is our biggest obstacle. And not only do we not employ a nanny who speaks Spanish, we rarely, if ever, hire a babysitter. Our local public school is not bilingual, and though we have a few Spanish-speaking friends, their children prefer to speak English while playing with our kids. This year, in third grade, Olivia will study Spanish. We’re lucky that it’s the second language taught in California schools. What about the kids adopted from Nepal or Russia or Ethiopia? How do they learn to communicate with others from their homeland?

The good news is that during this past trip to Guatemala, Olivia saw and understood the benefits of speaking Spanish. While listening to one conversation I carried on with someone, she said with admiration, “Mom, you speak a lot of Spanish!” Reader, believe me, I don’t. But you get the idea: In a real-life example, my daughter realized the efficacy of learning a second language. You can talk to people who don’t speak English!

Guatemala is renowned for its language schools. Here is link to a list of some of them. For the last weeks we were there, I managed to convince Olivia to attend morning classes while I posted my blog. She agreed that learning new vocabulary while drawing pictures and making figures with clay was a lot more fun than watching me wrestle with my USB flash drive at Conexion. The photo above is of her with her maestra.

For anyone who is considering Spanish school, I say “go.” Olivia attended San Jose El Viejo–because it was closest to our apartment and because the children of a woman I met through an adoption listserve were attending—and loved it. But I don’t think you can go wrong with any of them.

I’m not deluding myself into believing that Olivia speaks Spanish, or will retain any of the information that she learned. Now that she’s visited Guatemala, though, and attended school, she sees that speaking Spanish is an attainable goal, and one that multiplies her opportunities to communicate. That one outcome, to me,  makes the entire trip worthwhile.

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Guatemala Part 6: Last day in Antigua

Saturday, February 26th, 2011

Today is our last day in Antigua. Tomorrow we go to the capital and fly home to California. Entonces, I have time only to post a few photos. Above, the front door of the casita where Olivia and I lived in 2003. The lovely woman with us is our dear friend Paola, known to readers of Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir by her real name. (One of the few names I didn’t change.) The home is owned and rented by Elizabeth Bell, founder of Antigua Tours and author of Antigua Guatemala: The City and Its Heritage, among other titles.

Below is the pool at Hotel Antigua, early this morning, and the wonderful new play structure, perhaps the grandest in all of Antigua.

The last photo I’m including for anyone who visited Antigua with their children in years past. Remember these original swings? Happily, they remain. 

My sister and daughter are waiting. Time to hit the calle. xo

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Guatemala Part 5: Niños con Bendicíon

Friday, February 25th, 2011

On Wednesday after Spanish school, Patrice, Olivia, and I attended a folk dance performance by Niños con Bendicíon in nearby San Antonio Aguas Calientes. The dance troupe was founded and is led by Lesbi Chavez.

The children, ages 6 to 13 years old, dress in traditional outfits or traje from various parts of Guatemala. Each of the four dances they performed on Wednesday told a story from their Maya K’iche culture: Blessing of the Corn, Planting, The Corn God, and Dance of the K’iche King. The children accompanied themselves on traditional instruments, including marimba, drum, and flute.

Afterward, Lesbi demonstrated how to make tortillas, and we all got to try. As an absolute novice, I can tell you, it’s harder than it looks. Lesbi was very pleased to notice that Olivia, whose roots are Maya K’iche, was a natural at getting just the right ratio of water to pulverized corn paste. Above is a photo of our finished products, cooking on a traditional stove. Three guesses which tortillas were ours and which made by Lesbi.

The funds generated by the dance performances pay the school and living expenses of the children who participate in Niños con Bendicíon. For presentations, sponsorship, or more information, you may contact Lesbi Chavez (in Spanish) at Childrenwithblessing@gmail.com or Nancy Hoffman (in English) of Guatemala Reservations at Nancy@GuatemalaReservations.com. Learn more at http://www.supportlosninos.net/

Olivia, Patrice, and I, and the other members of our group, really enjoyed the afternoon we spent with Lesbi and the dancers. The next time you’re in Antigua, consider adding this outing to your itinerary.

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Guatemala Part 4: Antigua this morning

Thursday, February 24th, 2011

I’ve never visited Antigua during April, when the entire city celebrates Holy Week with sawdust carpets and parades through the streets. So I can’t say what that’s like. What I can say is that February is my favorite time to visit. The weather is warm and there are very few other tourists.

This morning, after I walked Olivia and Patrice to Spanish school, I took a few photos. Above, is my favorite view of the Square, taken from the second floor of the Municipalidad. The Cathedral is on the left, and Volcano Agua in the background. Antigua was just waking up; here, you can see why the city always looks so pretty. Every morning, men sweep the park. This month, they are also repairing the cobblestone streets.

As usual, a group of intrepid adventurers was queued up outside  Old Town Outfitters to climb Volcano Pacaya or go on a mountain bike ride. In the evening, backpackers often hang out in front of Cine Lounge La Sin Ventura. The theater is next door to Mono Loco, another popular night spot. The restaurant is famous for its gigantic plate of nachos, enormous bowls of chili, and outstanding French fries.

For Americans with children who will only eat at Mickey D’s, the one in Antigua has a lovely garden where your kids can run around and play. If your child, like mine, is a particular (read: finicky) eater, pizza restaurants such as El Macarone are a good alternative to black beans and rice.

Antigua boasts one of the largest “fancy” coffee shops in all of Guatemala. Located on the north side of the Square, Cafe Barista serves a range of lattes and cappuccinos extensive enough to keep any java nut happy. Olivia loves their vanilla cake. Cafe Barista’s prices are high, but (just between us), there are very few bargains to be had in Antigua. Think of it as a “charming experience tax.”

Time for me to get outside and enjoy this day! xoxo

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Guatemala Part 3: Family

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

Anyone who has read my book, Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir, or anything else I’ve written, knows that I am an advocate for open adoption whenever possible. I believe that inside every person, at a very basic and profound level, is a need to know who they are and where they come from. And by that, I mean who they are biologically, who they are in their DNA. A person needs to know who shares her blood.

That need, in my opinion, in no way undermines my role as an adoptive mother. Rather, it acknowledges a life–and a biology–that existed before me.

That’s one reason why I am here with Olivia in Guatemala, so she can visit with her birth family. Are our visits straightforward and uncomplicated? Honestly, they aren’t, for any of us. Not only do we grapple with the complexity of adoption, but we also face the challenges of two vastly different cultures and lifestyles. Speaking elementary Spanish and no K’iche is the least of it.

Despite the challenges, though, these visits with family are the most important days of our year. I believe I can speak for everyone involved when I say we feel healing, and unity, and love. When we started Olivia’s adoption in 2002, never did I dream that nine years later, we would walk down the calle of Panajachel with her birth brother and sister, or drink Coca-Cola in the mercado and shop for hair barrettes and blue jeans. Nor did I imagine kneeling beside her birth mother and Abuela in church, offering prayers in each of our languages. But that’s the reality of our family. That is who we are, now and forever.

For anyone who has been to Guatemala, or hopes to visit, below are a few scenes from Panajachel. My enormous fruit cup at Hotel Kakchiquel, the  vendors, the bus to Solola, the church steps. This is a beautiful country. We feel lucky to be here.

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